English Love affair

Part 3

I found an ally to sleep in for the night so i unrolled my quilt and pillows and made my bed for the night.

I got out my earphones and my phone and plugged my earphones in and pressed shuffle.

The first song that came on was Last resort by papa roach.

I started singing along.

"Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort,

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Do you even care if I die bleeding?

Would it be wrong, would it be right?

If I took my life tonight,

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I'm contemplating suicide."

I imediatly went into my bathroom bag and got out my pot. I opened it and got out my knife. I put it on my wrist and slit my skin bleeding and i kept doing it untill i was in tears... i then left my arm to bleed and got out my pills and took 50 of them, i soon drifted off to sleep.

Next Day
I woke up to bright lights and realised i was in hospital.
Who helped me... Im going to fucking kill them ugh. Cant people just understand i dont want to be here thats why i tried suicide in the first place for god sake!
Society is confusing.
They make you feel like shit so you feel the need to kill yourself then it helps you from dying.
Im sick of making things worse. Im sick of being hurt. Im sick of crying myself to sleep every god dam night.
Im sick of hating everything and faking a smile.
Im sick of feeling this way and im sick of letting people down.
Im sick of being me. Im afraid to be happt because everytime i am something goes wrong and hurts me.
Everyday a little part of me dies and doesnt recover. Society id confusing because depression isnt funny, cutting isnt funny, anorexia isnt funny, bulimia isnt funny, suicide id definitely not funny so i dont understand why society feels the need to make jokes about it.