"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." – Robin WilliamsCodependency is a potentially destructive state to be in. At its core, it means that one needs another, who in turn, needs to be needed. And a consequence of this is an ongoing clinging to other people, no matter how bad they treat you. But it's an illusion to think that we need someone else to make us feel complete, we don't.
When we let our contentment depend on external things, we have given our power away.You are enough.As the saying goes, "No Man is an Island". We need at least some form of social interaction to reproduce and in other cases, to survive. But it doesn't always mean that you have to have a relationship or to have a large social circle to be content.
In many ways, social interaction can be harmful, like cyber bullying, manipulation and exploitation by so called toxic individuals. Being part of a group with a certain ideology can be detrimental to your identity as an individual. You sacrifice your authenticity to be a part of something. The question is, why do we do this?
One of human's greatest fear seems to be the fear of ending up alone. That's why we stay with friends or people that don't treat us well or stay in relationships tainted by domestic abuse, cheating, lying and other destructive behaviors.People can be very abusive and in spite of that, we feel a need to be liked by those that aren't good for us.You can have hundreds of friends and feel terribly alone, so you try to find more friends. Become more outgoing and do your very best to impress your environment. Hoping social acceptance will eventually lead to the fulfillment that you are looking for.
We can have thousands of followers in Instagram and as many likes from the things we post, we try to find the perfect relationship, hoping that this person would make us feel complete, which means asking our partners the impossible. But at the end of the day, we lay on our beds, awake. Asking ourselves why we feel so unfulfilled or incomplete.
Well, the reason is twofold, firstly, it's because what we're looking for is already within us. And because of that pursuit, we are blinded to even notice that it's just right under our noses.Secondly, our ongoing pursuits are wearing us out. And the constant people pleasing obstructs the development of our authentic selves.Contentment is not to be achieved outside, it's achieved within.We spend our lifetime searching the world for that one thing that can fill us up, only to conclude that we still feel empty.No amount of money, friends, or material possessions will do the job, if our contentment can only be found within us.
Ironically, this contentment only reveals itself, when we stop looking for it. It appears spontaneously when we're completely immersed on the present moment, consumed by what is, without the need for anything to change. Without straining our self to be anywhere but in the here and now.
It's effortless and quite similar to the flow of life. So when we catch our self in the experience of complete contentment, we might want to ask our self if external validation is truly necessary to experience completeness. If our ongoing pursuit of "likes" is actually counterproductive or meaningless to feel content.
We are empty because we want to be filled, but by embracing our emptiness we eliminate this need to be filled and therefore become full.If you're alone right now, I would say, embrace it. Realize that you don't need other people to feel content. In fact, their presence may even prevent you from showing what or who you really are. There's no doubt in my mind that socializing can lead to a lot of joy. And that there's much more happiness in sharing, helping, connecting or, supporting other people. But there's a difference between the dependence of social interactions for the sake of one's search for completeness and voluntary engaging other people with needing them to feel complete.
But there's a difference between the dependence of social interactions to be complete and voluntary engaging other people expecting them to feel complete.
You are enough.
