Cockles (unfinished, morally wrong, and just generally awful)

3

I'm shaking slightly as I find my mark and plant myself there. The scene is in the bunker, Dean just brought the newly human Cas back there. Cas is sitting on his bed and Dean, is standing in the doorway. I lean against the doorway, looking over at Misha, he's already in character which is always kinda weird, he gets in character early every time and it's trippy cause it's not officially Cas but it's Cas but it's still Misha and- I'm gonna give myself a headache. Suddenly "Marker" Richards voice is ringing in my ears. Oh god, oh god, it's happening. No! I am a professional, I only wanna do one take of this. "Aaand-" I take a deep breath "Action!"  And suddenly, I'm Dean, after years of doing this show, I can play Dean no matter what my mental state is. I knock on the open door and Cas, who was poking his finger with a needle, perks up, looking over at me and smiling.
"Hello Dean" he says, going back to poking himself. I shake my head.
"Hey Cas, uhh, what-?" I question
"Oh, I'm just so astonished by how fragile the human body is. This tiny needle can cause a surprising amount of pain" He says, tilting his head in his classic manner.
"Yeah, uh, it's... cool, I guess." I say, walking over to where he's sitting and confiscating the needle. "Cas, how you doin buddy?" I ask. He looks up to me and I see his expression falter momentarily before returning to the normal constipated look.
"I'm fine" He says, looking down at his hands.
"Yeah, I'm not buying it. I mean you've had a rough go at it lately, with dying and then working with Crowley and then the leviathans and then Naomi and now Metatron-" He winces and I stop. "What I'm trying to say is, you're not fine, and it's about time someone said it, I mean you get shit thrown at you constantly and you never fail to seem all put together but I guess I've been too focused on myself to worry about you-" he cuts me off
"Dean, I said I'm fine!" He barks, voice cracking slightly. He turns away. I walk closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. Keep it together Jensen. "Cas-" before I can say anything he turns around, tears in his eyes. "Dean I-I, all of these feelings are so new to me. I felt some muted form of them before but I was easily able to push them away. Now I- everything is so intense and I'm realizing-" A tear falls and he wipes it away angrily, obviously upset that he looks so vulnerable. "I'm realizing things-things about you about-about how I feel that I never wanted to" at this he hangs his head. I kneel down in front of him so I'm at eye level, I reach out and place a finger under his chin, lifing his face up so he meets my eyes. Keep. It. Together. Jensen. I hold his face in my hands, wiping away any tears that fall. His bright blue eyes boring into mine. This isn't Misha, this is Cas, I'm Dean, and I'm in love with him. This is my angel, not Mish. My eyes dart down to his lips, pink and softly chapped. I lean in, closing the gap slowly, pressing my lips gently against his. And my brain short circuits. This is Misha, my Misha, and I'm kissing him, I'm kissing Misha Collins and I'm enjoying it. His lips are unimaginably soft, and warm. It takes all of my willpower to break the kiss, trying to stick with the script. I look into his eyes, his pupils are blown, which can't be faked, and that's the last straw. Fuck the script, I press my lips against his hungrily, he exhales through his nose hard, breath tickling me, "CUT!!!" Richards voice rings once again. And I snap back to reality. Shit. I just kissed Misha. Off script, and I wanna do it again.