blue ink | todokami

I .

Dear Hanta,

This is kinda weird, isn't it? I bet you weren't expecting to get a letter, like, an actual, real written letter. Especially from me. I know it's strange but you know I'm not good at saying things like this out loud – well, you'll understand as soon as I get to the point. But I couldn't say it out loud, and a text or whatever wouldn't cover something like this. Are you supposed to be more formal in letter? I dunno, but it's just me and you, so I don't think it really makes a difference.

It's hard for me to even put it down in words so you know there'd be no hope if I ever tried to say it out loud. But I can't think of anything better than to just come out and say it right now. I like you. I have done for about as long as I can remember. I used to think it was weird that I liked a boy that way, I didn't understand what that meant, but you were the one to help me understand what it meant, and help me understand it was okay, so I really owe you for that one. You've always been my best friend but somewhere along the way I started liking you a little more than I should've. Did you notice? If you did, that'd make this whole thing kinda awkward. 

Like is an understatement if I'm being honest, but I didn't wanna hit you with the big 'L' word right away. But there it is. I love you, and I seriously mean that – I'm not serious about a lot of things so you'll have to trust me on this one. But yeah, it's been a while, I'm not sure if you've noticed it or not, I really can't help it.

I don't know how you'll feel about this, but I really do feel like we have some kind of connection, I feel safer and more like myself with you than I do with anyone else. I really hope you feel the same so we can maybe go out on a date or something, or whatever happens next when you say something like this.

It's kinda hard to say how much you mean to me, seriously. But I hope the fact I did this seriously is enough to mean something. I guess you kinda know I find it hard to take things seriously. Like when I'm just messing around I can say this stuff no sweat but when I actually mean it the words get all stuck and jumbled, so I guess what I mean is I hope you get what I'm saying here. But you seem to get me like no one else does, so I don't think there'll be any problem there.

Even if you don't feel this way, I hope I haven't made it too weird or anything because I don't know what I'd do if I actually lost you completely. I know it's been so long since we've seen each other face to face since you moved away, but messaging you all the time has seriously helped me so much and I don't think I can lose that. Like I said, I feel like you're the only one who gets me for who I seriously am when all the stupidity and wise cracks and pulled away.

Either way, as friends or maybe on a date if you'd let me, I think we should meet up some time soon. I'll come out to see you if you'll let me, and I'll take you to an arcade somewhere, and we can play all those retro video game machines. I like the modern ones more but I know that's more your thing. I think it'll be fun. Let me know!

Much love, your best friend,

Denki Kaminari 😊