Scarred ✔️

08 | scarred explosions

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Chapter Eight

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I don't dare to look at Zach's face. Instead, I try to sidestep him and enter the door but I am unsuccessful in doing that.

One of Zach's hands grab my wrist and I am pulled back harshly. Zach turns me around and pushes my back against the door. I wince at the contact and lift my head to meet his eyes.

"Where were you?" Zach's nose flare and his eyes fixate on mine. I gulp.

"I asked- where were you?" he yells at my face. I tremble in his hold. His anger brings back painful memories. My head throbs painfully and tears stream down my face. Why is he doing this?

Because you're a bitch. An irresponsible idiot. A whore. You deserve this.

I push the memories back. I block the voices in my mind. I hear Zach cursing and I hear a huge bang. Startled, I open my eyes. With my tear clouded eyes, I look at Zach's fist which is starting to bleed around the knuckles. Zach is breathing heavily. His chest heaves up and down with every breath and he grips his hair painfully. I feel the need to comfort him, despite my own state.

I touch his hand, the one that is painfully gripping his hair, and pull it away. He turns to look at me. He is still angry but I can't understand why. He doesn't get to be this angry.

"Don't touch me," he spits and pulls his hand away. I see remorse flash in those beautiful green eyes as soon as the words leave his lips but it's too late. I hastily wipe my tears and push myself inside the door. I practically run to my room and shut the door behind me.

When will I know why I have to go through all these? Why me?

I fall to my knees and cry my heart out. I don't know for how long. Ages later, I stand up and walk to my closet to change into some comfortable clothes. I also wash my face and brush my hair before tying it into a messy bun.

I do all that while crying. This isn't the first time I am crying like this and I know this won't be the last.

I am wearing pink pyjamas shorts tonight because I want to look at my scars. I do this once in a while- look through my scars. Drench myself in my own tears. I sometimes enjoy the pain, the emotional kind. Maybe I am an emotional masochist.

A knock startles me. Thinking it is Lily, I wipe my tears and put a fake smile on my face before opening the door. The smile on my face drops when I see Zach in front of me and not Lily.

Zach is wearing a white sweatshirt. His hair is dishevelled, his eyes look tired. His hands are inside his pocket and he is staring at me intently. I just hope he doesn't know I have been crying.

But, a rational human would know because my eyes are puffy and my nose is red. I look at him questioningly. He sighs before opening the door and walking inside.

With wide eyes, I turn to look at him. He shuts the door and he's so close, I can smell his cologne. I look away awkwardly. My eyes are swollen, I bet. Why is he here, anyway?

"Ella," he says softly. I continue to look away.

"Ella," he repeats. He gently holds my jaw and tilts my head so that I face him. I look into his eyes and raise my eyebrows. He is too close, my brain is starting to feel fuzzy. The pain is long forgotten.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you." He takes a millistep closer. I instinctively take a step back and feel the hardness behind me. The door. How did I get trapped in this situation?

"I'm sorry," he says gruffly. His voice drops an octave. I keep my expression blank but raise one of my eyebrows.

"I.. I was scared. You weren't there and I couldn't find you anywhere. I was so fucking scared Ella. You wouldn't even pick up the phone. I texted you a thousand times. I knew you couldn't talk and that just made it worse. I didn't know what to do. I was so fucking scared," he mumbles.

"I thought I lost you again."

My heart flutters in my chest and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I give him a small smile and he sighs in relief before smiling at me softly.

"You have been crying," he states out of the blue. I shake my head no rapidly and his frown deepens.

"Because of what happened back there?" he pushes. I bite my lip and am about to look away but he secures my jaw in his hand and forces me to look at him.

Why is he touching me the way he is right now? For God's sake, I broke his heart.

"Talk to me," he pleads. He leans his forehead on mine. "Talk to me," he pleads again.

"I can't," I whisper. My heart beats wildly and Zach looks taken back. Like a proud parent, his lips form a huge smile, a genuine one.

Sucking in a breath, I push Zach away. His smile vanishes and I see many emotions pass through his eyes. Disappointment, rejection and hurt are some of them.

He takes a few steps back and I regret pushing him away. His touches make me feel safe. Make me feel.. loved. I know he probably doesn't feel that way about me anymore, but I still do.

His expression slowly darkens and I stiffen when it turns cold. His eyes look colder than ever and my heart plummets in my chest. I wonder what he is thinking.

"I'll have Lily bring you food," he says in a low voice and pushes me away from the door, not harshly but not gently either. Pulling the door open, he walks outside but stops abruptly.

He turns to look at me.

"Pack for two nights. We are going to Chicago tomorrow."

I try not to shiver at his cold tone. He walks away with that and my eyebrows come together. Right! The business deal, how did I forget?

I shut the door behind me and breathe heavily thinking about the next two days. They are going to be hella awkward. I just hope he doesn't remain this cold towards me.

No appetite for food anymore, I lock the door and fall on my bed with a sigh. I feel a dull ache in my chest when I am reminded how he cold he acted just now. I asked for it, I know.

I still love Zach, don't I?

I am acting crazy. I remind myself how I don't deserve him. With that in mind, I fall into a deep slumber.

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unedited.

[Next chapter will be in Zach's point of view ;)]