Protocol: Chameleon

o n e

"Mom.."

My lips trembled, my voice cracked. My vision was blurry as I stared up at her own teary eyes.

"Mom, what's going on? Tell me." I insisted on an answer.

But my mom, my beautiful mom. The best spy alive. The most skilled operative I've ever seen, was sitting on her chair behind her signature mahogany desk, and rocking.

Sobbing and rocking her chair.

"Matt.." she whispered shakily. "Matt.."

Seeing my mom like this, brought tears cascading down my own cheeks. The strongest woman I've ever known, sobbing, looking so very traumatized. Her waterproof eyeliner never failed her, but you didn't need to see her tear- stained cheeks to know that she was a complete mess.

"Mom." I whispered, not being able to take anymore of it.

It killed me to see her like this. I didn't understand the pain she was going through. After all, she knew and loved my father more than I possibly did. Which is saying something. After a while, I snapped.

"Mom!" I shouted.

Sue me, but at that very moment I was resisting the urge to slap her out of it. Her eyes snapped to mine, wild and not blinking. She was not blinking. I could see the redness in her eyes, as tears fell down every fraction of a minute.

Finally, she snapped out of her reverie, breathing deeply as she looked at me in as if in a new light. I was a good meter from the table, inching slowly and very steadily towards her. She ran her slender fingers over her eyes, and her smooth skin. My mom seemed to look down and her hands, curious as to why they were wet.

Suddenly, her eyes seemed to shift somewhere. She sat there for awhile staring out into space, seeming to contemplate. And then, as if something snapped inside of her she took a huge gulp and sucked in a shaky breath.

She locked her eyes on me once again, "I love you, kiddo." she managed to utter. Her fingers now deadly white were inching towards something on her table. My gaze was transfixed on her. As much as I took every ounce of willpower to look away, I couldn't bring myself to.

"I love you, Cam" she said again, as if I didn't hear her for the first time.

"I love you.."

I wanted to scream, 'I know, I heard you!, but again I stood there mute, too shocked.

She pressed the barrel of the gun to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Mom, no!" I screamed. But, I didn't hear my voice.

"MOM!" I screamed louder.

I screamed.

And screamed.

And I screamed. Until I could feel my voice box rip out of my throat. And then, nothing. I couldn't make a sound. I watched in horror, as my mom squeezed her eyes so tightly and enclosed her fingers around the trigger. I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the floor.

None of my senses were working. So, I closed my eyes. I squeezed my eyes close, as tight as my mother did. Wetness was everywhere. I felt dampness and water drowning me.

Could someone drown in their own tears?

And that's when I heard the gunshot.

~*~

"Mom!" I shouted, this time, hearing my voice in full clarity.

I could feel water, Water everywhere, weighing me down. And I hoped.