A new year is approaching
I sit and wonder,
Am I happy with the person that I've become?
Is this who I want to be?
A lot has happened.
My heart has been broken.
It's been fixed and broken again.
The memory of scars embedded within my heart rise up to the surface.
It sears me like a double edged sword.
I live my life as if I'm an outsider.
Looking in from a secret room I sit and ponder what it could all possibly mean.
So much has happened.
So much that I cannot explain.
So much that I don't know how to.
But I fight to keep my head held high,
Because when it falls, I can see the pool of memories at my feet.
I can see everything I don't want to remember.
But I also see things that I will never forget.
Some that I want to and some that I don't.
I just hope with all my heart that someday I become happy with who I am.
I have so many flaws that I want to fix.
I don't know how to.
I guess that's just life.
So much has happened.
Old people I thought would stay forever have left me.
New people that I hope will always be with me have become crucial to who I am.
If they leave they will take parts of me with them.
I have so much love to give.
And I have given it.
To the point that I am only left with a sliver of love for myself.
Even then, I tuck it away, unsatisfied with wasting it on someone as undeserving as I feel that I am.
I struggle to live and am only merely surviving.
But I'm doing my best.
I want that to be enough.
And for the time being, it is.
So much has happened...
