Did I F@$%ing Stutter? - Ranting

Germ-X - part 2

So, this is like part 1 only about something slightly different.

Ebola.

Yes, with everything going on I decided to do a piece on this when something very similar to the event in part 1 happened to me not three days beforehand. So this might be a little short.

(Get over it.)

Yes, I understand Ebola is the ONE disease where you can be a major Mr./Mrs. Touch-me-not and absolutely NO ONE will blame you. No one will blame you if you don't like bats anymore either, cuz, let's be honest....

Ebola comes from bats.

Bats = Ebola.

And while I'm on that note....

Bats = Batman

Batman = Ebola

(HAHAHAHAHAHA haters gonna hate!) (Once again, another chapter to be explored later.) MOVING ON!

So a migraine is what started me feeling sick. I get migraines all the time. They aren't a new thing to anybody. But once again, when my TA class teacher asks me how I was doing (cuz apparently EVRYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW AND CARE AT THIS PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME and NO OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR) and I tell him I had a headache.

ONCE AGAIN

That's all I said.

Nothing else.

What...so...FREAKING...EVER!!!!

He instantly goes ape-sh*t crazy and starts screaming "GERM-X STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!"

This guy is a conspiracy theorist and has been tracking every damn article on Ebola since it started in Africa. It should be avoiding him like plague. Seriously, this particular city in Colorado, nothing exciting happens! Even the bad version. Hell, the weather avoids us!

There's a banner at the exit of the city (cuz the entrance of the city isn't good enough and....LOGIC) strung between two light posts that says "Fun begins in xxx-city!"

No.

This is where fun comes to die.

By that standard, this city has committed multiple counts of murder on entertainment.

It should be a crime.

If you know what's good for you, never come here! If you see that banner, turn around and leave as fast as you can! (But at least be sure to visit Michael's On Main (restaurant) first. It's the only good place besides MoMo's.) Literally, every ounce of joy in your body will be sucked out like a leach!

That being said, even Ebola wouldn't and hasn't come here because it's fun would be killed off anyway. Do you know how socially impaired people are here? VERY. Everyone has someone to hate and avoid and they don't even have to know each other. Even the kids will avoid their own families and friends cuz no sort of relationship lasts very long. They avoid each other like judges and witches, which is even worse than plague. And the few that aren't total jacktards will sooner die of smoking and/or drunk driving. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can't wait to get away from this scorpion pit of hell. The only reason the decent people don't move out sooner is because of the horrible local economy choices.

Anyway, back to my teacher's reaction.

This was my response: "Bro, I watch the news, I know the symptoms of Ebola. And the last time I checked, I DIDN'T have a fever. Otherwise my skin would feel like fricking leather. Oh, and in case you can't tell, I'M NOT BLEEDING FROM MY EYEBALLS!" DAMN!

His response: "Well, you never know...."

ARE YOU @#$%ING SERIOUS???!!! This paranoid dumb@$$ on top of the Germ-X crap?! Spare me! You're like, what, 50?! Get over yourself!

*sarcastic voice* "Last I checked, sir, Germ-X doesn't work when your body is being liquefied into a bloody mess from the inside out! :D"

Hahahaha- seriously though, it doesn't do sh*t. Not even the real stuff.

I won't explain the whole Germ-X thing again just to save you the time, so if you want to know what I said, refer to part 1. (I'm just so nice, aren't I? ;P )

So, just to give the teacher a reason to go nuts, I poked him in the back of the head and said "Enjoy your Ebola" as I walked out for my next class.

Holy mother of Batman, I didn't think men could scream that loud! XD You should have seen him flail!

At the end of the day, the guys in the class got a kick out of it and I got to know what a terrified conspiracy theorist looked like. Though honestly I'm not sure it was worth enduring the stupidity.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. QUIT THE GERM-X BULLSH*T. It does absolutely nothing for you and only irritates the hell out of everyone outside of grade school! I honestly won't be shocked if you get slapped for being that dumb and annoying. Heck, I might just Gibbs-slap you myself. JUST. STOP IT.

(If you don't know what a Gibbs-slap is, refer to ANY episode of NCIS. Gibbs is literally the King of pointing out stupid sh*t.)

What's the next rant? You and I will both see when we cross that bridge.

Good day ;)

~MGPD

November 17th, 2014