Before you start reading - I don't know answers and I don't want to know them. You are probably not going to believe it and it's okay, because even I don't believe it sometimes. I don't know how long I can stand it anymore, but I have to commit suicide soon. Every time I close my eyes I see it. It drives me crazy. It happened year ago and I haven't talked about it with anyone yet. Well, I haven't talked till now at all.
My trauma is fading away slowly so I can talk. My family is asking me, trying to find out what happened that day. I can't tell them. My mother is crying because I am talking again, but all I am telling them are simple sentences that I don't know etc. But before I kill myself - I have to write it down. For someone who will find this. Maybe it won't sound any traumatic for you, maybe not even scary, but I am a person who is easily distracted and it's not hard to scare me. So here is what happened to me. Yes and I don't do drugs and I haven't been diagnosed with schizophrenia or something, but still - I don't know if it was real or not. And the possibility that it could is creeping me out. Here it is. And...
Goodbye.
It was rainy day, my family went shopping and I stayed home. It was a new house in the middle of nowhere, there were some houses around, some little shops but then mostly forests and fields. This village has suffered some damages, because a few years ago it burned and it is still in recovery.
When my family came back from shopping, my grandomother realized they forgot to buy something to bathroom - I think it was taps? - so I have had to go for them to the near ironmongery. It didn't rain anymore. We only heard that there was a ironmongery, so we hoped it still works.
I was passing around black houses, black because of the fire that raged here a few years ago. While I was walking down the street, I saw something in front of me. It was complex of buildings under the one big tarpaulin. That means the reconstructions is in progress there. How I found out, one of those buldings was the ironmongery. I walked into the space under the tarpaulin. Ironmongery and two normal houses with flats. All these building were whole, but completly black and burned from the inside. Well how I suspected, the ironmongery was out of service. I decided to get back home.
When I tried to get out from under the tarpaulin, some old lady blocked the "door", so I was partly inside, partly outside. She was small, hunched, with a headscarf.
"What are you doing here?" she said.
"I've just wanted to know, if the ironmongery works, I need taps," I answer.
"Haha, well, it doesn't work..."
"Yes, I found out," I said and I tried to go. But she caught my hand.
"What are you doing?!" I yelled and looked at her second hand. She held a head of a baby doll, all dirty, with no eyes. It was creepy.
"How many pounds of iron thrown from a height could kill a girl like that?" Came a voice from somewhere above me, from the top of the tarpaulin. I looked up. There was a ugly man, holding big heavy bag with iron.
"Hmm, we can find out..." said the old creepy lady. I ripped out from her grasp and ran. I ran so fast, I didn't look back, I was passing all those creepy burned houses and all I did in my mind was imagining people burning. When I was near my house, I stopped running and with heavy breathing I slowly went home. The sky was blue and sun was shining. With one leg at home, I've turned back. And there it was.
The old lady.
Looking at me.
But it wasn't exactly her.
Instead of her old face there was dirty head of that baby doll. Now with black eyes.
And those black eyes were looking right at me.
And from that while I know I can't tell anybody, because she will come. Just imagine it. You are going on a toilet at night and on your way back to bed you will see her in the back of a room. Old lady without normal head, but with dirty baby doll's head - looking right at you.
That's what I was scared about this whole time..
