listen before i go
drowning is like falling in love – jaemin would know.
"donghyuck lee," the guy with the nose ring says and takes his hands out of his pockets for the first time in twenty minutes.
one of them is a prosthesis, the other one's fingernails are painted dark green.
jaemin smiles and donghyuck lee raises his eyebrow.
the water is cold, yet it feels like jaemin's lungs have been set on fire. he knows he's losing consciousness, knows that seeing donghyuck, for the first time in his life, isn't a good thing.
"it's not a metaphor, in case you were wondering," donghyuck says and hands jaemin is lighter, before pushing the cigarette between his lips and stepping a little closer.
jaemin lights it without hesitating. "hated that movie anyway. made my mom cry."
donghyuck's cheeks turn hollow when he sucks in the smoke and jaemin follows the other's every movement.
"my mom's not around, but my sister told me not to watch it." he nods somewhere behind jaemin and he turns, spotting a young woman with a curly bob.
"will i see you again?" jaemin asks and he hates how desperate he sounds.
the woman looks furious, hurriedly taking the cigarette from her brother's lips. donghyuck chuckles, winking at jaemin.
"of course, hazel grace." he lets his sister pull him away and jaemin wishes he wouldn't.
jaemin's learned not to fear death ever since he was fourteen years old. he's only ever been scared of death since it meant not being with donghyuck anymore.
it's the weight of his fake leg, pulling him further. or maybe his heart. either way, it doesn't matter.
maybe they can be together again, if he just lets himself getting sucked in deeper. maybe he should breathe in –
he opens his eyes, expecting darkness, but there he is. beautiful as ever. jaemin smiles and he feels water getting into his mouth. donghyuck is here. with him.
"maybe it's because i have a god complex," is the first thing donghyuck says when they meet again and jaemin already has to laugh, "but i'm convinced i'm dying for everyone's sins."
"did you just say maybe you have a god complex. donghyuck, are you saying you're the second incarnation of jesus?"
the other shrugs and he walks a little too fast for jaemin to catch up with but either he doesn't notice or doesn't care. "why not? my best friend is religious and he says it might be true."
donghyuck lee isn't the second coming of jesus. he's a boy with cancer.
donghyuck laughs and his black hair dances around his head like a halo.
"you're right, babe. i'm kind of pretentious, let's be honest."
jaemin rolls his eyes.
"don't you wanna leave? you know i don't like swimming." donghyuck pouts and jaemin chuckles, immediately feeling a little relieve on his lungs.
he halts. "it doesn't hurt," he says and donghyuck grins.
"i know, dumbass. you're dead, jaemin. or close. which is why we should leave."
donghyuck is surprised when jaemin kisses him for the first time.
"why did you do that?"
jaemin snorts. "i told you i liked you. why waste any time? but i get if you don't want to, i'm sorry."
"i-," donghyuck rubs his hand over his lips, eyes still wide. "i do want to."
"you know i'm here to take you with me, don't you? but that's not the only reason." donghyuck paddles his legs to swim up a bit, close to jaemin.
"i never told you i love you too. i'm sorry about that."
jaemin takes a deep breath. donghyuck's smile is sad. "say it then. before it's too late."
donghyuck shakes his head, movement slowed by the water. "i'm sorry."
"i'm dying, hyuck. please. please say it." jaemin wants to scream but he can't feel his face. it comes out as a mere whisper. there's no air bubbles rising up from his mouth.
"sleep well, nana."
