Cogitation

Club meeting

Freshman year.
I got gym class for first period.
'Cause I'm extremely athletic.
I made the football team.
That one time.
As an alternate.
A fancy word for a benchwarmer.
My locker is upstairs and my next class is downstairs on the opposite side of the school.
That's fun.
It's been a month.
I still struggle to open my locker.
I made a few friends.
Cut off some old ones.
"Yo, ease up," My only homie in gym class, suddenly states.
   He lightly passes the ball back to me.
"What?"
   I harshly chest pass it at him.
"You're passing the ball too hard."
   I noticed.
"Sorry, man."
"Let's run some laps, instead," He offers.
"Cool," I say casually.
I don't like running. But, I also don't want to fail fuckin' gym class at the same time.
Priorities.

"Control your breathing, you're fine."
   "I never said I wasn't fine. Let me wheeze for breath for a minute or two."
   "Do you have asthma?"
   "No."
   I do feel like I'm on the edge of a fuckin' asthma attack whenever I run for long periods, though.
   "Then you're fine. Just jog. Teach is looking our way."
   "Fine," I elongate the word.
I stand up straight and lightly jog a few laps around the gym with Atawhai. My teacher calls us together and tells us to get dressed.

I regret paying for the dress-down.
I pull my beanie down my neck.
I attempt to smooth out the wrinkles in my button-up.
The bag crumpled up all my clothes.
I tap my foot impatiently on the floor.
The bell rings and I wave offhandedly at Ata before jetting. I rush up the stairs, dodging people as I go and yank my locker open. I shove my bag of gym clothes down my backpack and grab my binder. I harshly close it, carelessly and zip down the thinning hallway and rush down the stairs. The bell rings and I step into class.
Substitute.
Shit.
I could've taken my time down the halls.
I take my seat.
I know it's a sub so, I can sit with my homies and she wouldn't suspect anything. But, nah.
I go on my phone, waiting for the sub to get the lowdown from some really reliable kids. She finally starts to take roll call. She states name after name as I listen halfheartedly.
"Leni?"
"Here," I call as I raise my hand lazily.
She looks at me in acknowledgment and nods at beanie, "Take it off."
I drag it off and place it on my desk. I go back to reading Blue Eyes.

Kill me now.
What did I do this time to get enough bad karma for my beanie to go missing?
Shit.
Where is it?
   Dude, my best friend gave me that.
   What bullshit.
   I don't look at it for a split second and someone fuckin' stole it.
   Maybe it's still around.
   Maybe I'm just rationalizing.
   Maybe it right in front of me and I'm just losing my sanity.
   Who fucking knows, eh?
I search around my immediate surroundings.
The bell rings.
And, I still haven't found it.
   I awkwardly get up from my desk and approach the sub.
   "C-can I stay behind for a bit? I think I-I lost my beanie."
   I hate my fuckin' stutter.
   "You have lunch next?"
   I shake my head.
   "Can I just lo-look around for a few minutes and you can write a note to my teacher o-or something like that?"
   She stares at me for a second before giving me the okay.

I search around the classroom.
Just in case it fell.
And was kicked around.
The bell already rang twice. Students start to filter in and I'm still here, looking for my fuckin' beanie.
It has to be somewhere.
Shit.
It's the older kids.
Most of them are chill, but a few likes to generalize and make fun.
I'm not exactly fond of that.
   Luckily it's also a computer lab so I can look around the back and they should leave me alone.
   Or not. That works too.
   "Can you not touch me?"
   The hand slips off my shoulder.
   "What're you looking for, freshman?"
   It's a girl.
   "A black beanie."
I don't feel the need to lie, just yet.
Maybe she's seen it
   "Why would it be on top of a computer?"
   "You never know."
   "Where were you sitting? It's probably over there."
   "I already checked."
   "You should check again."
   "It's fine," I turn to face her, "I'll just head to class."
   "That's too bad, you should stick around."
   "I'm good. I'm missing class time and all that shit."
   "You're a good kid."
   "Sure."
   "What's your name? Don't wanna keep on calling you freshman."
   "Don't worry about it."
   I shove past her.
   "At least tell me your name, dick."
   "I don't have a name. Parents never gave me one," I poorly lie.
"Bull."
"No shit."
The other kids look at me weirdly.
What? Never heard swear words before?
The sub quickly passes me the note and I head to my third period.