𝐗∥eternal pain.

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did someone betray me?

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did someone betray me?

is that why i ended up here?

could i have avoided going through this test?

"olivia."

now yerim was the only one i had.

"olivia." and there she was, seated on the concrete. "it's the last day."

"i know, i was just thinking about... things." hyejoo shook her thoughts off and tried to focus on completing her task.

"every step counts, so we should hurry up," yerim says, clearly in a rush to leave.

"is there something you're looking forward to?"

"your test here must have changed you a lot. i'm just- excited, to see the impact those changes will have in your real life."

"you're talking like you'll be watching over me," hyejoo was a little concerned with the way she was talking today. "i don't think i'd like that very much."

"there's no telling where life is gonna take us after we leave this place," yerim smiled. "but seeing you now, i think i'd want to keep an eye on you."

"you're really creeping me out," hyejoo muttered.

"enough chat, we have company," yerim looked all around her. the undead have come again. there is a lot more than last time, but it was most likely because it's the last day. "should we go? i'll take the lead."

"i guess we have to make choices about who to trust, but i literally have only one choice right now."

"i know," yerim answered, stepping closer so that the undead won't have a chance of getting to hyejoo. "not everyone's so lucky. you have your answer right in front of you."

"and the people who aren't so lucky?"

"we help them. like i did." yerim grins brightly. the undead's groans get louder and louder. "music to my ears."

"sounds more like the gateways of hell to me," hyejoo uneasily looked at the increasing number of zombies appearing.

"must've been how orepheus felt travelling to hades and back," yerim murmured to herself. hyejoo looked at her, confused. "nevermind, let's hurry."

walking through the ocean of zombies for hours with yerim in the lead, they enter an abandoned hospital and close the sliding door. now the undead can't get them; they're too dumb to open doors.

just then, hyejoo's compass trembles in her pocket. she holds it in her palm, and switches into the leading position as she follows the needle. it takes them to a smaller room within the building, which appears to be an intensive care unit.

"the needle is pointing towards this bed," yerim says. "curtains drawn. should we open-"

hyejoo swipes them out of the way before she could finish, and finds a revolver placed on the mattress. "how convenient," she examines the firearm. "it's already loaded, too. the hell does this mean..."

her compass shakes even harder, the sound of the rusted needle moving nonstop.

"i think it's pretty obvious," yerim stares at the compass with a melancholic smile. "i guess it's my fate." the needle points directly at her.

"no fucking way i'm shooting you," hyejoo refuses, throwing the weapon back onto the bed.

"it's clear as daylight, olivia." yerim takes the gun and hands it back to her. "it's time for me to complete my task, too." her statement is responded to by the sound of faint, low groans.

"i don't want to kill anyone," hyejoo only said, glaring at her compass with pure hatred.

"i know," yerim looked at her sadly. "but there's a reason dalburne called it a test. you'll have to go through excruciating pain if you want to make it back."

"i'm not a murderer," hyejoo looked at her gun. "i won't accept that title."

"here's san's message to you," yerim reads from her necklace. "to make it out of there, olivia, you have to accept it. that you're a murderer. and that life's gonna be full of pain even if you make it back. how do i know? well since i got killed by your partner, i'm now dalburne's little assistant. you'll make the right choice, olivia. good luck, fellow killer."

"that bastard... i can't believe he's not completely dead."

"point that gun at me, olivia." yerim said, as if she wasn't afraid of death. "and make your final choice. do you accept that you're a murderer and the suffering that is life?

or do you renounce all your worries and submit yourself to eternal death?"

if i throw this gun away right now, i'd never go back again. i'll never get to see jungeun, or mom, or chaewon.

chaewon... she's waiting for me.

but in order to see these people again i have to carry the weight of me being a killer. for the rest of my life.

hyejoo stared out the window of the hospital room. it was sunset already, and her choice was unavoidable.

"yerim, i-" she stared at the revolver in her hand. how it felt so normal holding such a weapon scared her. the zombies had found the two of them and began closing in. "i'm so sorry."

hyejoo pointed the muzzle at the other girl, who stared expectantly at her.

she looks away.

squeezes her eyes shut.

and pulls the trigger.

the sound of the bullet firing. then of yerim gasping at the pain. then of her body collapsing onto the tiled floor.

hyejoo cried.

she hadn't felt such resent towards herself ever before.

and she hated it.

she hated herself for being a murderer.

has she made a mistake?

she felt so selfish, to have killed someone just to see the people she wanted to see. to have killed someone in order for herself to live again.

the guilt of someone's death in her hands felt so frightfully familiar. which reminded her even more of the killer she is.

then she felt an extra layer which added up to the pain - the undead were lunging at her. tearing her flesh and limbs off of her body. yes, it hurt, indeed.

yet it didn't cover up a fraction of the internal pain.

son hyejoo was a murderer and she knew it.

she knew it and the fact will be with her for the rest of her life.

she had sworn to never kill anyone ever again.

she had sworn to change, throughout her test.

but she didn't. she didn't change. she had killed yerim and she was still going back to life.

she doesn't deserve it.

because she's a murderer.

murderer.

murderer.

murderer.

the title echoed in her head as the physical pain faded, along with her body.

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