Crossing Paths

Chapter 9

Kayden

Feeling guilty sucked. I realized at a young age that life had dealt me a crappy hand. Because of that, there were a lot negative emotions I had grown used to. 

Disappointment? Felt it every singe day. 

Loneliness? Pretty much a given. 

Anger? I'm never not peeved about something. 

Hurt? I'd never met a person that hadn't hurt me in some way. 

But feeling guilty? It was the only emotion that I never learned to block out. The more I tried to ignore the feeling gnawing away at me, the worse I started to feel about the way I had treated Aliyah. She tried to hide it, but I still got a glimpse of the tears brimming in her eyes when she turned to run away. 

I sat down heavily on the couch, running an exasperated hand through my hair as I tried to erase the image of her devastated face out of my mind. Why did I feel so bad about pushing her away? I pushed everyone away. 

It was my defense mechanism. If I was given a dollar every time I was told off for how unhealthy it was, I'd be a millionaire. But I just couldn't help it. What's the point of forming relationships with people anyways? I've never had one that lasted. After moving around in the system for 3 years straight, I had come to the conclusion that making friends was pointless. 

The only person that had always been a constant in my life was the same person that I was currently planning on murdering. Almost as though he had heard my thoughts, Tyson came bounding happily down the stairs. I stayed on the couch with my back to him, but I could tell by the light footsteps that it was my brother and not Marian. 

"Did the pretty girl leave?" He asked innocently, hopping up on the back of the couch to lean his head in front of mine. He looked at me with large, questioning eyes. 

I glared venomously at him. "You are so lucky I haven't killed you yet."

"What do you mean?" He frowned at me. "I didn't do anything." 

"Don't play that game." I ordered firmly, reaching out a finger to thump his forehead. "You know exactly what you did." 

"Ow!" He protested as he reeled back out of my reach. 

"You deserve it." I snapped. I watched as his lips dipped downwards in a pout before he slowly walked over from behind the couch and plopped down beside me. "You can't say stuff like that around someone like her."

"Why not?" 

"She's..... religious." I filled in, not sure what else to say. I had never believed that there was a God out there, but she definitely did. I decided pretty quickly that I wasn't going to be the one to tell her how disillusioned she was. I had a feeling in wouldn't go over very well. Faith in a higher power was something that I never really understood. But something that I did understand was how important it was to other people. I had no idea how they could believe in something that you can't even see, but I wasn't going to get mixed up in it. The last thing I wanted was for them to get some crazy idea that they were going to "convert" me. 

"What does religious mean?" Tyson asked, completely butchering the pronunciation. 

"It means she's a good person. Unlike you." 

I knew I was being harsh, but I couldn't stop myself. Half the time my little brother was alright, but the other half of the time, he was the most infuriating person I had ever met. Despite my anger, I still felt a twinge of regret when his entire face fell. 

"I'm sorry." His voice was so small and weak that I almost forgot he was now 8-years-old. Sometimes it still seemed like he was the tiny 3-year-old kid that used to hide behind my legs in an attempt to get away from our father's drunken rage.