Don't Lie

Don't Lie (Zoro's POV)

"Hey, Zoro....Zoro! Nngh, you sleep too much—I wanna play with my first mate!" Luffy shouted as he bounded across the deck to interrupt the swordsman's regularly scheduled nap.

"I don't think pirates should be 'playing', Captain. We aren't children—although, I suppose I might be maturing you in my mind to make myself feel better about following some kid's orders."

"That's so mean! I'm not a kid!"

"Are you sure?" Usopp cut in. "Even I have more chest hair than you!"

"We're the same age, dummy!"

"Having hair on your chest means that you're more grown up?!" Chopper asked excitedly, eyes sparkling.

"Careful, Captain-san, or you might lose your position to the alpha-reindeer."

"Robin's right. If you're gonna measure maturity by that standard then our furry friend here is definitely the manliest man, or rather, reindeer," Zoro commented with a fond smile at the little doctor.

"Saying that won't make me happy, you jerk!" Chopper giggled, swaying joyfully on the spot.

"Chest hair is the deciding factor? Hmm....I'm older than all of you in years, but I am unfortunately lacking both hair and a chest! Yohohohohohoho!"

"I'd point out the obvious fact that you have an entire afro on your head, but this is the dumbest conversation you idiots have had today, and I don't want any part of it," Nami commented from her lounge chair. "You shouldn't encourage them, Robin. Otherwise, they'll never grow up."

"Butt out, Nami! I'm gonna be King of the Pirates no matter what—even if I'm totally bald, I'll still conquer the Grand Line and be super manly doing it!"

"You tell 'em, Luffy! Size or substance doesn't make the man—men are manly because they have FIGHTING SPIRIT!" Franky shouted emphatically, freezing in a ridiculous pose.

"FIGHTING SPIRIT!"

"YEAH!"

"Eventually I'm going to lose all respect for you people," Nami lamented, glancing towards the galley door with a sigh. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Sanji-kun is the manliest as far as I'm concerned—he's the only one who isn't participating in this nonsense."

As if the mere mention of his name on a beautiful lady's lips had somehow summoned the cook telepathically, Sanji burst out of the kitchen with a beaming smile so wide that Zoro swore he caught some glare off of the other man's teeth from across the deck.

"Did I just hear my lovely mellorine compliment the only gentleman on this ship? Oh, sorry Brook—living gentleman," he corrected.

"No offense taken. I don't believe that a person must necessarily be alive in order to be called a gentleman. All it takes is a manly soul!" the musician announced with an accompanying riff on his electric guitar.

"I know how we can decide who's the manliest!" Luffy told them excitedly. "EATING CONTEST!"

"Absolutely not," Sanji interrupted, making his way to their gluttonous captain with a tray of drinks balanced on one hand. "I made these to keep everyone hydrated until dinner, and I am not going to slave away in the kitchen to make extra food for the bottomless pits who I have the misfortune of living with."

"You don't like living with us, Sanji?" Chopper asked him tearfully though his tears seemed to magically evaporate once the cook handed him his own sugary beverage. Luffy was already halfway through slurping his down, and the satisfied sound made Zoro's own mouth feel dry. The swordsman looked to Sanji as he approached with the final drinking glass, and time stuttered to a stop.