A Taste of You

Panophobia *ATOY*

Two words. Those two words make up the name of my hero. Marilyn Monroe.

My whole life I have been afraid. Afraid of everything. Afraid of death, of love, animals, the sun, even of eating. And the list goes on and on. Eventually I started to lock myself in my bedroom, to keep the, well how do I put this? Everything. To keep everything away. My 'condition' as my therapist put it, is called panophobia. It literally means the fear of everything.

My mother was the only thing that kept me sane. She would always talk to me. She would always hug me. She forced me to eat. I used to get pissed at her for it, but then I realized, if it wasn't for her I would have starved. I would have gone mental. I would probably be dead if it wasn't for her.

But honestly, the only reason I let her in, was because I heard her utter six little words behind my closed door. She said, "Fear is stupid, so are regrets."

I don't know what it was about that quote, but it helped. As soon as she said it, I slowly stood up and opened the door. To say she was surprised, would be an understatement. That was probably the first time I'd looked at her in about three weeks.

I asked one simple question. "What is that from?"

My voice probably sounded foreign to her. Hell it certainly did to me.

"Its a quote from Marilyn Monroe." Her answer was simple. But thats all I needed.

Everyday after that, I let her in. We would talk more and more. And before I knew it, many of my fears were gone. We talked about different things each day. And one day she asked me about my fears. That's when I broke. I suddenly burst out crying. And it honestly felt good. I told her everything.

The next day when she came to my room, she brought my father with her. The day after that she brought him and my brother. And the next day she brought both of them and my sister. Each day she brought more and my of my family. Aunts,uncles, grandparents. After everybody knew what was wrong. She came by herself one day. That day she suggested a therapist. I decided to agree with that idea.

That therapist was the best thing that ever happened to me. Eventually I learned she was my mothers best friend. Everytime she came, she brought with her Marilyn Monroe quotes. A new one each day. Honestly I think it was the quotes that saved my life. I memorized every quote she ever brought me. Inside my mind, the memorization took over the place of the fears.

One by one my fears were replaced by quotes. By the time I was supposed to be a freshman in high school, mainly every fear was gone. I could walk in public and not cower away from the heat of the sun. I could speak to strangers. I could style my hair differently. And yes, that was legit a fear I had.

I could do whatever I wanted. I was no longer afraid of everything. So once I was in tenth grade, I stopped homeschool and started public school. Yes i was nervous, I mean come on who isn't the first day of a new school, but I was not afraid.

And here I am today. On my first day of my senior year. I mean yes, I still have some fears. But its the common things, spiders, bugs, airplanes, etc. I do have one fear that tops the others though. Trust. I have a very hard time trusting people. I feel that if I get too close to someone I think I trust and then they betray me, then all those fears will come tumbling back.

But since that hasn't happened yet, I, Valerie Queen, need to start getting ready for my last first day.

~~~~~

Omg guys! I really enjoyed writing this first chapter. I feel like this chapter lets you get to know Lottie. I hope everyone who read this first chapter enjoyed it. I can already tell this story will be one of my better ones. And I know I only have one other one right now, but I mean future stories. So please comment and vote. I would enjoy some feedback.

OH I almost forgot. I want to try to update this story at least three times a week. Not including when I'm on trips, or vacations, or something like that.

Once again, I hope you enjoyed. Please comment and or vote. And I will see you in my next chapter.

Oh and the photo I had chosen for this chapter is not allowed to be shown. Appearently the link is too long. So I'll just put it right here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fhpnotiq%2Fstatus%2F415182571384082433&ei=8eRrVJGEGZWcyQTVj4HQBA&bvm=bv.79908130,d.aWw&psig=AFQjCNFZrkPEALF9n2S3nC9faYs-4GuCLQ&ust=1416443460830125

Byeee,

Zoey:D