when you were here

Chapter V

Song: "Why Can't I Touch It?" -The Buzzcocks
Ronnie
"Hey is it okay if we swing by the flower shop and get some flowers? My sisters' in the hospital and I just want pay her a visit. It shouldn't infringe on our dinner plans," Michael requests sweetly, but also in a timid way as if it's a major inconvenience to me. I could either take it in the way that he really cares or that he's intimidated by me, either way is really fine when I think about it.

"Of course! We can stay there so you can visit for as long as you need," I respond. Hearing that his sister is in the hospital makes me forget all about mention of a dinner. "What happened to her?"

"She broke her arm at school, she's only seven so she was probably doing something dumb," he responds shrugging. We're walking back to the parking lot exiting the busy mall, I didn't want him to spend any more money on me so I stopped after two stores. He spent a little under one-hundred on me in Topshop, then over one-hundred in Aritzia. I have no clue where he gets this money but it seemed like no problem to him. I reminded myself to repay him.

He insisted on carrying my bags for me to the point that it seemed like he genuinely wanted to do me the favour, or as if it was me doing him a favour.

"Awh, I hope she's alright," I respond thoughtfully. I have not met his sister but I saw her at the restaurant. She doesn't look much like him, in fact she has blonde hair while his is a dark rich brown, like his mom's.

"Yeah she's fine, they probably drugged her up."

We're back at his van, he slides the door back to put the bags there, then shortly after we're driving off to the flower shop. Michael sings to a song called something about "Touch It" by a band called the Buzzcocks. Seeing him with this big smile and a black eye is very ironic and almost laughable. If I'm being honest, the black eye and split lip is really hot on him.

Once we get to the flower shop, he picks out tiger lilies because he says they're his sister's favourite, then we're back on the road to the hospital. As we get closer and closer to the hospital, I slowly feel every ounce of happiness start to drain as if somebody stabbed the happiness capsule inside of me, and it's just leaking out like blood or with the blood for that matter.

Michael of course notices, and turns down the volume of the music. At first, he drives in silence and glances at me a few times, then he finally speaks up,

"Is everything okay?"

I hesitate to answer, instead my fingers twist together and I look down at my shoes. Being at the hospital brings back memories of when my dad killed himself, my mom demanded he'd be taken to the hospital and that they would try their hardest to bring him back. She was in a craze and in denial of his death; that it was too late. The hospital complied of course because they felt sympathetic towards her. One of the nurses held her as she cried, another nurse took me to the play room. I don't completely remember the hospital, I only have snippets because I was young, and I know what my mom has told me.

"It's okay," I respond finally. He had waited the few minutes it took for me to respond, switching his view from the road to me quite a bit.

"Are you sure?" He asks. I nod. And then he doesn't bother me again which I appreciate, but he also doesn't turn up the music again and sing. Instead we're in a sober silence, as if my blues were contractable. In a few minutes we've pulled into a parking spot, and he sombrely shuts off the vehicle.

"Are you okay with coming in?" He asks. He isn't making fun of me or being sarcastic, he's being completely genuine; concerned about me. I nod in response. Maybe I can replace the bad memories with happy Michael memories.

We make our way to the front entrance, I don't even notice the hunger nipping at my stomach until we're checking in at the front desk to see what room Michael's sister is in. I choose to ignore it, not wanting to be an inconvenience to Michael.