when you were here

Chapter XI

Song: "Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye" -Bettye Swann
Ronnie
As soon as the words leave my mouth I get all nervous. The truth is that I'm scared but I trust Mikey. My plan was to wait a couple of months to make sure he wasn't using me, but I'm certain he isn't.

"Are you sure, Ron?" He asks, seeming to be slightly surprised, but not desperate. I nod. "Okay, if it hurts too much at any point don't force yourself to push through it, just tell me and I'll stop, okay?" I nod again.

He disappears somewhere in the van and joins me again in the back with a foil packaging. A condom. It was like he was waiting for this.

"Oh, uh. I have these for like my friends and stuff," he explains to my confused expression.

"Right, okay."

Before we get to anything else, he places a few more gentle kisses on my lips, hovering over me, his forearms resting on each side of my head as support.

"I love you Ron," he says softly almost against my lips. "You don't have to do this if you don't feel it's right. We can stop at any point, you can change your mind at any point."

"I'm ready. I know I am, so let's get this show on the road," I respond, spanking his cute bum. He chuckles, then plants a kiss on my temple before helping slip off my underwear. I don't watch as he takes off his boxers and puts the condom on, I don't really want to watch. I feel that's invading his privacy in some way, which is ironic considering we're about to do a very private thing.

"Okay are you sure you're ready?" He asks. He's back in the position he was in earlier, hovering over me.

"Yes, Michael," I say. My heart beats fast. Some of my friends have said it was the best feeling ever, others have said it was painful. I'm not concerned about the pain, I'm just scared of disappointing him. I know he has a body count therefore making him experienced, so I don't want him to think I'm lame. But then I do also consider that he loves me so it won't matter how it is, and we're both mature enough to not be different after we do it for the first time.

"Okay. If you want to stop at any point please just say so." I just nod at this then brace myself. Then I feel it and it's painful as hell. It's a pain I didn't even expect and I find myself almost panting. He pulls out whatever he got in immediately.

"I'm sorry," I mutter. He kisses my face.

"Don't apologize, if you want to take a break that's okay. We don't have to do this anymore."

"No I want to. I want to do it. It just hurts, but I want to be able to get used to it," I say trying to convince him. I know he is genuinely concerned.

"Okay okay. Just let me know when you're ready again. You've got all the time in the world."

I take a big breath, exhaling out all of my nerves. "Okay. I'm ready again."

"Okay. If you're sure," he says before planting a trail of kisses from my neck to my collarbone, then running his hands along the curves of my waist. I shut my eyes tightly and bite my lip to surpress a groan of pain as I feel the intrusion.

"Are you alright?" He asks, continuing to run his warm hands along my shivering body. I nod, giving him permission to continue. "I'll just go slow, tell me if you want me to stop."

When I open my eyes I try my hardest to focus on the sky that fades from orange to a deep violet, I try to get lost in its depths, but the pain is antagonizing. I decide that I can't just push through the pain anymore. Not right now.

"Mikey?"

"Yeah?" He responds, stopping to listen to me attentively.

"Can we just not continue this right now? Can we do this some other time? Maybe not in the back of your van," I say softly. He slowly pulls out slowly causing me to grimace.