I Thought He was the One
Every girl dreams of her perfect prince charming. Once she would see him, she would never let him go. She would dream of having the perfect day or even just the perfect moment with him. Every girl wants to become someone’s princess.
I, too, once believed that I live in fairytales. I once believed that everything will be possible if you just believe, that dreams do come true, and that you can reach your star. I once believed in destiny and fate. I once believed everything a child ten years younger than me would easily accept as reality.
I was in third year high school when I surely thought that I found my true prince charming. He was a second year student by that time. We met each other in the early phases of the school year. At first, I did not feel anything special for him. I even thought of him as my newfound baby brother. But as time passed, I developed a crush on him. It was then that I realized and told myself, “He could be the one.”
After our first meeting, we would smile and nod at each other whenever our paths crossed. We were just “not-so-close” friends. Weeks later, because of my openness, he learned of my special feelings for him and he stayed away. An awkward air came upon us whenever our roads met. This is what happened to us throughout the school year.
When the school year ended, we were required to go to school the day after the graduation. He texted me about what we were going to do on that day and if it was alright to be late. I got irritated and told him that I don’t know in a very negative note and told him that I was running late so I had to go and he should stop texting.
Upon arriving at school, I saw that many students were still outside the school and that the gate was still closed. I felt guilty for being so bossy and angry at him so I texted him my apology. It turned out that he left his mobile phone at home and his sister replied to me saying that he had already gone to school.
I told my friends about how I behaved and related how I wanted to say sorry to him personally. When the gate opened, he arrived and my friends arranged a talk between me and him. He agreed and I became very excited.
When all the instructions were given, I looked forward to our talk. But then, it was as if he had forgotten all about it. My friends urged me to approach him and start the talk. I kept on telling them that I was the girl and he should come to me. I got very impatient and decided to show that I went home when in fact I just bought snacks from the nearby store.
When I came back, I saw him coming out the campus which meant that he did forget all about it. I got so angry that I frowned as he was passing through. His sister already knew about the talk, probably through my friends, and called him a coward for not talking to me. Maybe because of that, he took the courage to tell my friends that he was ready to talk to me.
I went inside the school immediately after he said that he was ready to have that much anticipated talk. I sat on the bleachers and he, with my friends, followed. We sat close to each other but I felt that we were worlds apart. It was sunny; a great day to have a serious talk with someone.
I spoke up first. He was a very shy guy and I had to overcome my own shyness so that our conversation would start, feelings would be shared and options would be discussed.
I can’t remember what I first said but I can remember how the two of us couldn’t look straight into each other’s eyes. I can remember how I kept on looking at my palms on my lap. There was more silence than talking. My friends probably saw that, too, and they came near us to encourage more talking and less silence.
On that side of the bleachers was a hollow pillar which somewhat isolated me from them. He and my friends were on one side while I was left alone on the other. Our conversation continued via passing of a mobile phone. It was just the same as texting each other.
I can remember that I asked him about his six-month old sister and his PSP. His replies were not as eager and enthusiastic as my questions. While I was typing, he was also playing with another mobile phone.
I stood up and again pretended to leave. He just sat there and kept quiet while my friends continued to beg me to stay. I told them to relax for I was only throwing away some of my trash. Then one of my friends gave him some of her trash and told him to follow me but he just put the trash in his pocket.
When I came back, it was as if I still did not exist. He was still playing with the mobile phone and I was about to really leave when the same friend took the device and told him to talk to me properly. He stared at me for a few seconds and then looked away and had himself looking for other devices to entertain him.
It was then I realized that he really was not interested in talking to me. Maybe he just talked to me to prove to his sister that he was not a coward.
I imagined our conversation to be that part in the fairytale where the prince would propose to his princess. I imagined it to be the happiest moment in my life. I really expected him to confess his love for me and that he would get down on his knees to ask me to be his girlfriend just like in fairytales and movies. I truly believed that he had special feelings for me, too. But I was wrong. He valued his gadgets and other things more than me and my feelings.
It was already two years ago but I still feel the pain and disappointment of that expectation. I thought he was the one because of all the qualities he possessed to be my perfect prince charming. But I, as I had always been, was wrong.
In that particular experience, I came to resent myself and everything about me. I am disgusted with how I easily fall “in like” and eventually in love with someone. I hate the fact that I easily fall for people who never do anything for me. I pity myself for being overjoyed with just catching a glimpse of that person. I cry inside for how I love but get hurt everytime. I hate myself and how I overreact about certain things.
But I know that I am still growing. This was just one of the many painful memories that I would be collecting. Happy days would come and gloomy days would follow. Joyful moments would arrive but painful ones would never cease to flood in.
I still see him every now and then. We are friends in Facebook and I still keep track of him and with what he is doing. I will wait and see when he would change his status from “single” to “in a relationship.”
I wonder if he had just been serious about that talk, things would have been different. Things would have been better.
But still, I thank the Lord for the gift of him in my life. I thank Him for all the happy, sad, and even embarrassing moments I had with him. Because of him, I learned to grow, to live, to be hurt, and most importantly, to love.
