Not That Far

Chapter 15-Wondering

 

  I didn't sleep at all that night. Every time I drifted off for even the briefest doze I was woken by dark, confusing nightmares. It was enough to drive me mad. But I would force the images out of my head and focus on Shay instead. He wasn't quite as cold now and wasn't constantly muttering anymore.

  He shifted slightly in his sleep and heaved a small sigh, which encouraged me a great deal. Drayan had said movement was a good sign. I pressed my hand against his partially exposed forehead for a moment or two. He was warming up I think, but he hadn't woken up yet. I settled back against Zurii's flank and held Shay in my lap. Zurii curled tighter around us and shirked away from the cold draft that blew against her back.

  He'd scared me to death when I'd first picked him up. I'd thought he was dead for sure. It had been one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

  My breath caught as another glimpse of a nightmare flickered in my minds eye. Almost every one of them had been about him or Saiden, Sattari and Aris with a few of my family back on Talour mixed in. Those dreams would cause me to start awake and bite back a shout. But waking up to find Shay still breathing was enough to reassure me into drowsiness again.

  I wondered about Aris a lot during that long, lonely night. I hadn't had contact with Sattari for a few days now, and what she'd been able to tell me then hadn't been encouraging. I hadn't talked to him in over a year, and I'd only just meet the real him when we were separated, so I didn't know what to expect. I worried about him a lot too. I was afraid he would be completely different if- when I found him and I'd have to get to know him all over again.

  But worrying about it was only making it harder to sleep. So I did my best to clear my head and think about something else. Daichi was the next thing that came to mind.

  I felt guilty for doing what I had. But I couldn't find another way he would let me go. The only way he'd leave me alone is if I was dead. He was beyond reasoning with as far as I was concerned.

  But those thought did little to relieve my conscious. What would he do now that I was gone? How long would he continue to look for me? Does he even know I'm gone? I wondered after some more thought. I fingered the strange object in my pocket he'd given me while I had been pretending to be asleep. I took it out to look at it again.

  It was a smooth, round, black oval with a glittering surface about ten centimeters long. It was almost egg-shaped. And if you looked closely, it had a shifting blueish, green depth.

  I had no idea what it was though. I'd poked and prodded it until I was fairly certain it wasn't mechanical. For all I knew, it was just a pretty rock. I wondered why he gave it to me though. I couldn't think of any reasons besides sentimental values. My uncle wasn't one to give gifts for no reason.

  I wanted so badly to know what it was. But how would I even find out if he hadn't told me. I wondered if he was still awake... I was shocked at my own thought. No way was I going back! But I wanted to know... I chewed my lip thoughtfully as I considered it. Maybe...

  I debated on it for another hour until I had up my mind. It wasn't getting any earlier, so I'd better get moving. I was still feeling bad about faking my death when he'd already been so worried... What's wrong with me? I can't do anything I want without hurting someone, somehow.

  I shut off the rational part of my brain and slipped the ebony oval back into my pocket. I carefully lifted Shay and tiptoed past Drayan and over to Zurii's head. I settled him between her forepaws and tucked his blankets around him. She started awake and her eyes snapped open. She looked around in alarm, but I caught her head in my hands and shushed her. I did my best to relay to her that I would be back in a minute. And after a while she settled down and went back to sleep.