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I am damaged

Trigger warnings: abuse, bullying, angst, self harm (mentions), swearing, anxiety

Virgil's PoV
I opened my eyes my head throbbing. At first everything was blurry but something caught the sunlight seeping through the window. Tiny emerald like shards littered the ground. What once was a bottle full of liquid, now empty and smashed.

It took a lot of energy to get up and I had to hold onto a chair for support. My head was spinning but I didn't care at this point. I needed to get from this house before my dad woke up. The house was silent so I took my school bag and left.

I arrived at school an hour early and I went straight to the bathroom to wash up and apply my foundation again. I don't know why I bother, everyone knows. The little emo fuck who has no friends, sent around the country with foster parents but was always sent back. No one loves you. I shook my mental voices away sending it back to my brain. I fixed myself up and went back into the hall which was now flooded with students laughing and talking. I wanted that. Someone to talk to. Not the school councillors or a therapist I was sent to. Someone who understood, but who here would want to talk to me? I headed to my locker and felt someone behind me, I refused to turn around. I knew it was Tom, my full time bully. One of the most popular people in this school. A complete asshole. He found joy in torturing me. Like everyone he knew my past and he would tease me, laugh at me, make rumours about me pushing me down the social ladder more. He was at the top, everyone under his finger, and I was at the bottom. No way to get back up. "Don't be late again" he hissed in my ear. Shit I forgot. Yesterday I was supposed to be down the back field next to the tree line at 3 pm after school. The teachers sent me home early because I was found violently throwing up in the toilet making me late for class. Today will be worse. 3 pm I met Tom, hunter and Blake at the field everyday to have the shit beaten out of me. There was no escape. They would guard the doors so I couldn't run. I missed Fridays session so they would be extra harsh. I closed my locker and went to my class.

☆☆☆

The day went easily enough, I enjoyed my lessons as much as I could. Nothing would really help with my future but I have to be here. So I am here.

I sat on my own once again at lunch. I've grown used to sitting on my own, I normally listen to music whilst I draw or studied. Nothing too exciting happens. I stood out the most here. I was the only one wearing dark colours, I'm alone, listening to music and have a sketchbook out. I look around and realise I'm missing something else other than friends. A lunch. I don't have money and my dad never makes the effort to make me lunch. It's not like we have food that I can do it myself. He usually blows most of his money on alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. He may leave some money for rent so he can stay somewhere safer. If I'm lucky he would leave me $20 for the month so I can buy food. This happened around twice a year. I've been the keeping the money for something more useful. I've given up buying food for myself. I don't like eating, I felt fat after it. I just fill myself up with water. I see Tom stand on his table and start yelling. "Who's the emo freak?!" He yelled. His table answered with my name "Virgil!" He yelled it again and his table along with more people yelled my name. The more he did it, more people joined. Tears pricked in my eyes and I got up. The chants became too loud for me to focus on my breathing . I ran into the bathroom and gripped onto the sink to ground myself. I focused on my breathing, inhale for for 4 seconds, hold for 7 then exhale for 8. I repeated that until I came down. As soon as I did the bell went causing me to jump again. My anxiety spiked but I walked to class keeping my head low not drawing attention to myself.

I sat down and looked out of the window, it had grown grey and cloudy. As the hour went on I saw Hunter, Tom and Blake guarding the exits.

3pm came and my anxiety spiked again as I left the class. I tried going through a fire exit but Hunter grabbed me and chucked me over my shoulder. I was light so unfortunately it was easy. Despite me knowing he was stronger than me I still tried to fight against his grip.

I was dumped on the grass and Tom picked me up again. He grabbed my shirt and punched me across the jaw letting me drop. Kicks rained down on me and I curled up pain shooting through my side and back.

10 minutes after being kicked and punched they obviously got bored and stopped. I felt myself being lifted up and into my feet. "Up" I heard Tom say and both of my arms were lifted up. I saw something shine in the light. I tensed up when I realised it was a knife. "Aww is the little emo scared?" Hunter hissed in my ear. "No he's probably used to the feeling of cold, sharp metal..." Blake laughed. Tom held it to my cheek scratching the skin slightly. It was cold and sharp. "Lift his sleeves" Tom ordered and the other two complied. Both of my arms were covered in bandages with red on most of it. "Aww the emo baby is depressed" Tom snickered and undid my bandages. My cuts were recent so they were just starting to heal. Tom dragged the knife to my arm and applied pressure reopening my cuts. I bit my lip in pain. Scarlet droplets fell to the grass. I was shoved down and the trio walked off.
I curled up ignoring the pain throughout my body. Time to go home and repeat the process with my dad.