This isn't a story or a journal or a dairy. Don't look at grammar or punctuation. This is me writing about life the way I know it and the people I know on planet earth called human beings. This has no beginning or middle or end (But I have to stop at a point cause no one's about to sit and read a 10000000 word book... Um no!)
I like to think I'm smart (even when I'm dumb as hell!) cause that's how I go through this life. I have no other choice but to walk around thinking I'm the shit... Thinking I'm the prettiest woman on this planet... Thinking I'm the sexiest woman and the smartest cause that's how I go through life. Nobody gives a fuck about you like you do. You're the only person that really knows when you're feigning for pizza or some sex-nobody else does! And the ugly truth: half of these people don't give a shit.People wanna see you do good and note briefly: when I say 'people' I mean all the humans you know ! Ok, continuing. People wanna see you do damn good so they can say you're their friend or sister or uncle or aunt or brother or- ok you get the drift. People are like that they just wanna see you doing good so they can look good. If you're a fashionista the wanna-bes will chase you because they wanna be seen, if you're a scholar people will befriend you just so they can benefit from your abilities or brag to others about having a "smart" friend. That's just life. You gotta believe in yourself, you gotta design a method of survival ( mine is to walk around thinking I'm the shit while admitting my flaws) that way nobody and I mean nobody can get to you unless you open your emotions. I know a bunch of people that think they are singers, they sing so loud and confident while the awfulness of their voice is deafening but guess what? They do it because they believe. Take Digicel Rising Stars for example, more than half of the people who audition can't hold a note to save them from a bullet but they still do it. That's belief. That's what I admire! You gotta be ruthless in believing in yourself. Yes you read it right RUTHLESS. If you're are timid and puny people will take your confidence, gobble it, shit it out and flush it to Africa ! You gotta believe that you are the best human being "He" created. Be a Fighter! Be fierce ! Be loyal to yourself. I'm really skinny and on a almost-daily basis I get compliments about looking like a model. I've been to several places and people mistook me for a model and man did they make me smile from ear to ear showing my one dimple but guess what? BAM ! Comes a negative comment: you're so meagre! Aren't you gonna gain weight? And then I'm just there like "this bitch just had to fuck it up" BUT because (as I've said before) I walk around thinking I'm the shit this so doesn't affect me! Be like that! Be so confident that people can't destroy you unless they are close to you. Yes be antisocial! (Save you the trouble of associating with a lot of time wasters anyway!) Be stuck-up (either way people will talk about you) but most importantly be yourself.
People often associate the term "moving on" with relationships and/or marriages but I don't. You had a main girl and things didn't work out? MOVE ON from the friendship. Let her be. Don't do her dirty. Don't post her business on Facebook. Just let her be. Just move on. Don't even dwell too long talking ABOUT her- if she was worth it you'd be talking WITH her. If that man you love so much doing you real dirty and your cup is full DONT drink from no damn saucer move on from the relationship. You may never believe this but people will hurt you,actually everyone might hurt you ( I personally think hurt is a self-defined word) but if you don't move on you'll hurt yourself. You'll become angry and sad and isolated you might even become ugly (fact!). No one is worth your tears? No one is worth your beauty either. Just move on. Someone tell a lie on you got you in deep shit? Do what you gotta do like a grown person and move on. Someone steal your money? move on! Some steal your phone? Get another and move on. Someone spread a rumor about you? Move two steps back, punch them in the face THEN move on. People who set out to get you mad don't like when you move on, they wanna see you angry. Switch up on them a little- move on. You win. They lose.
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Friends come in all size,shape,form,DNA,area,length,width,height-ok I'm exaggerating! People come in your life differently and If they don't belong kick them out the same way they came in- differently. I hate the word 'friends' when I hear it all I think about is lies and betrayal. I mean it does happen but always by "friends" so I think those words belong in their own category: friends lies betrayal. I think the moment you call somebody a friend you are susceptible to hurt. Yup that's life. Don't fucking mope and cry! Let it go. Friends eat with you, drink with and toast to you, witness your first kiss, listen as you talk all night about all the guys you gave a head or fucked,go shopping with you, borrow your favorite dress, witness your wedding,curse your man behind your back BUT friends also put poison in the food, drugged the wine, tell other people how many dicks you sucked,never pays for anything when you go shopping,tell people you borrow her clothes all the time, fuck your husband in your bed and tell your man what you said behind him. WELCOME TO FRIENDSHIP-the place where jealousy consumes and destroys! I've learnt a lot about friendship and by a lot I mean Dr.Dre's net worth. Now to be fair there are good people in this game we call life. People who will fight with you and struggle with you and just be there for you expecting nothing but the same in return and that's only fair. There are people that might just take a fucking bullet for you in their heart. Yes but those are rare,those are usually the ones you go through heart wrenching situations with you and still survive. I've know a few of those personally and like I said very rare. I've been lucky to have friends that gave me their lunch and ate none, friends who stay up all night texting me till their knuckles hurt ( texting is my thing) and friends who neglected all others to be there for me ( I'm selfish get used to it) and I'll forever and ever be grateful for them. Even if they are no longer a part of my life. Likewise, I've had friends who I've looked out for and put before my own but in the end those fake asses turned around and did me real dirty BUT maybe I did one or two dirty too so voila! Hello karma nice to see you again ! When you're over with me I'll let it go and move on. Always remember: vengeance equals karma.
The topic on the top of my mind right now is fatherly love and I'm not sure why. People always say we wouldn't be here without our mother that's true but um... What about our fathers? If it wasn't for their tiny little sperm we would be here in the first place. Check that. They are just as important but society fucked that up. Yes you read right society ! I don't even want to backtrack to slavery days because that gets me damn angry. I totally think that affected the way fathers are, especially black men. This is MY opinion. I was born and bred in Jamaica and I've been around families including mines for years and I see the way fathers handle their teenage daughters. Not all of course, there will always be exceptions but most of them. They stop hugging them right when they should've started. They don't look at them and tell them they are beautiful and that they are the best. Girls need that. I needed that. I never got that and that's what broke me. That contributed to my emotional being. Fathers need to wake the hell up and realize they can't shy away from their teenage daughters. Love them. Show it. Say it. Mean it. Hang with them. Do simple things. Watch movies with them. Talk about school and general things this way when she's fourteen in the first stage of having her first crush you are there, when her heart breaks you are there and I can assure you from then you'll never have to worry about who she'll become. She'll know what a man's love is and she will cherish that. I can never get why the hell these dead beats think financing is parenting. No! You need to get the fuck up and be there for your child so at fifteen she's not somewhere in a parking lot riding off a man's dick because she thinks he loves her. That's what she wants - love. Money doesn't say I love you. She needs to see and hear that or in the end both of y'all will be disappointed in each other and that's it. Never to form that bond when he first laid eyes on you. It's gone. Poof. Like the wind! On several occasions I have said and will keep saying : half the teenagers who got pregnant wouldn't if they had that fatherly love and being a victim of teenage pregnancy myself I know this and I believe and won't ever apologize for this. If my dad was around more maybe I'd be different. I think about that a lot. Maybe I wouldn't even need a man and don't get me wrong I love my man but I can't help but wonder. I am speaking out for the thousands of teens around the world lacking that fatherly love. My dad was a financier and even that he stopped doing too soon. And mothers ! In the name of Jesus I command you to stop berating fathers in the children's presence. Be a woman. Be classy in all your actions. Now I will be fair he might be the worst fucking husband possible but that doesn't mean he isn't the world's greatest dad. The love he has/had for you is different from the love he has for his children so some of you need to back the hell up and allow the men to be fathers. I'm taking about the ones who want to be because I know you have some of these fathers that you have to drag to court for the basic thing: financing. I'll admit I enjoy this especially when the mothers wait until the child is in his/her teens to take him to court. Ha! (Hats off to the States for this) all I'm saying be a father not a sperm donor and teenagers read carefully: your life wasn't perfect when you were born and when you were growing up it wasn't either, now you are somewhere between a young adult and a big child and life still isn't perfect, here's the ugly truth uncut- it won't get perfect but it might get good, only you determine that. Make the best of if and I know you have heard that and you've rolled your eyes because you don't want to hear that- not when you're going through bullshit but that's what you have to do. Your dad/mom didn't give you that love and support you needed? Love yourself. Support yourself. Push yourself. Throw that anger and rebellion in academics or sports or whatever you are good at. Be so good that when he/she sees you you can look his/her ass dead In the eyes and sense how ashamed he/she feels to call them self parents. Throw all that anger in positive things. If you can dance put that anger in and you'll see if very soon you won't be labeled 'the best dancer'. If you can wrestle, put that anger in and knock out everyone that stands in front of you daring to compete. Be fierce and positive. If you put that anger in sex you might end up with cervical cancer and babies,worst of all you might end up living hand-to-mouth; having little or no clothes or education and no future for those babies one or two years apart, not to mention living in a one-bedroom house with no kitchen and outside bathroom. You don't want that. If you throw that anger in weed you'll end up rubbing your hand middle at 25 with no degree or job and still living under momma's roof, probably with three dramatic baby momma's too. Nah. Elevate yourself. Let that struggle push you.
