I once read a quote that said "nobody understands me but music". Day by day I prove this to be true. When I clean I listen to music, when I cook I listen to music (no wonder I always burn up the damn food), when I write I listen to music even when I fuck I listen to music. Music is life. Sometimes the lyrics are bullshit but you really just want to escape from all the fucked up people in the world. You know what's amazing. They say your enemy can never hurt you-totally true ! And ironic ! The people who love you are the same people that turn around and fuck you over big time. They are the ones that force you to change, to succumb to peer pressure, to cheat and yes to escape in a corner and tuck your EarPods in.
Now people say artistes are in illuminate; worshipping the devil and all that. Really not our fucking business. They record a beat and some lyrics and we like them, we buy them and listen them and that's that. They help us- free us for even a few minutes and for that we thank them. Be quiet for a sec and imagine the world with no Beyoncé or Katy Perry or Rihanna or Chris Brown or Usher or Trey Songs or August Alsi-ok let me stop before I give myself a migraine just by thinking, but you get the picture right? Imagine Jamaican nine-nights without music? Or Jamaican dances? Imagine no Bob Marley? (Scared emoji face totally needed right now!) we need music! No matter how many leaked photos of these celebs we see or how many pyramids and 'eyes' are in their videos. We don't care! We love music. And No I'm not a Christian. It's almost the same with books or writing-you just want to escape from all the troubles of the world.
*. *. *. *. *. *.
My need for independence at 18 years old is something people don't understand. I grew up with my grandmother and dear God I loved that woman but oh my fucking God she could bring out the worst in me. I remember one night she came home and apparently at church they had preached about how girls in 2014 are walking around naked with tattoos and piercings and all that and I can tell you if she wasn't my grandmother I wouldn't care that she was elderly I'd put her in her place real good and proper. Nothing pisses me off like judging. Who. The. Fuck. Are. You ? Stop judging people. This is not dedicated to my grandma. This is dedicated to people with her mentality. Educate yourselves. Understand that we live in a fucking free world. We are no longer slaves or immediate children of slaves. We have a right to choose. I want to be a badass lawyer and I am going to be just that. I have two tattoos and my navel was pierce once. I am fucking smart. Ask my past teachers and classmates. So shut the hell up. I wear shorts and tight jeans even crop tops but I'm not out there fucking two three four guys or selling my body. NO. So shut up. I know girls who are doing great things making marks in life and they dress "unacceptable". What the fuck is acceptable? I love men especially brown men but I've thought about fucking a girl. I've thought about threesomes. I've thought about kinky sex. I've thought about bondage.Now go ahead and judge me because you've never ever thought about a thing that society labeled "unacceptable".
Back to my need for independence. I would never label myself as a good girl but I'm a good person; I have a good heart and I'm kind. People take advantage of me. Yes I'm that type. I think I deserve everything I want because of the live I lived which by the way I didn't deserve. At 18 I'd been through and done things that only my self knew. Not proud of some. Very proud of others. Did you know I was mad at the world for getting pregnant when I was the one riding that good ole dick like I didn't have a future to think about ? I'm selfish I know because it's totally my fault but then I couldn't help but wonder about all those girls even younger than I was who were having sex with two guys in one day and that sort of thing not getting pregnant and ruining their lives but me, Miss Intelligent, had to. I was pissed as hell then one day when I felt my baby move all the bitterness disappeared and I was glad I rode that dick but then my baby died and I was mad at the world again. I didn't deserve that. When I was doing awful in school people talked a lot of negative things especially my family...just being honest. When I was doing great they still talked and when I got pregnant they talked. I stayed home, they talked. I enrolled in an extension school and did my subjects, they talked. My need for independence is totally selfish: to prove these people wrong. I want the cars In every brand, the clothes from every designer. I want more than 400 shoes and I'll wear them all,I want to travel to every part of the world that they'll allow me to, I want two kids that I am going to spoil and they'll never suffer. Some people don't want that for me. I'm working hard to disappoint them. Call it what you want but I have no other motive. Brutal honesty: I don't want to be independent to help my parents or anyone for that matter. I think we were all given a fair chance in life to make something of ourselves and NO I don't think it's my job to grow up and take care of you. You two went ahead and had me. I was quite comfortable wherever the hell I was. Yes it was your job to change my diapers and feed me and cooed me whenever I cried. No I'm not obligated to repay you and incase you were wondering this is how I want my kids to look at life too. When I am 60-old and gray- I should be still giving them. Provide for them until I die. I went and got them. Period !
*. * *. *. * *. *.
Side chicks. I remember the days when these had to literally stay in their lane. Like they got special hours to call or text the man and they were hidden at all times. Now all of a sudden they don't stay in their lane no more. They be all over his IG, Facebook and Twitter forgetting that they shouldn't be seen or heard. What changed? The man. His ass forgets that you can walk the fuck away. There lies the problem. These men somehow got a sick twisted belief that you won't leave so they continuously do what they want,when they want and how they want. You've got to remind him how many men check you out in the club, how many guys in your Kik and whatsapp and how many men you reject for him. Independent,educated men at that.Girl wake the hell up and put his ass in check. Let him know you ain't about to be in the same category as those little hoes. Hell no. You the motherfucking creme de la creme. I always tell my guy, if you gonna cheat make sure her ass smarter than me, prettier than me, ambitious like me, fuck you better than me and most of all love you,flaws and all,the way I do because If I find out your ass cheating I'm leaving so you better make sure that she is someone you can at least present to mommy. Secondly, main chicks need to understand that some of these females be really delusional. Like you need to give them a blank sheet cause they love to make up stories. They must be excellent in English Language.
