My life I guess

Untitled Part 8

I really need to do something about my studies. I need to get high grades. I really want to give my parents a certificate, at least one. I'm so sick of giving them an unsure answer if they ask, "how're your grades going." When in reality I know that I probably wrecked my last quiz or something. I'm so guilty of not doing my best in my studies. They say that there is a time for everything, but sadly I wished that my high grades would come now. Because it's not every day I get to see my father on my birthdays. But if I failed my exams, then there's nothing I can do about that except to work harder next quarter. I'm doing my best so far, but how long is this going to last? When I got top 8 in my entrance exam for this school, I saw my mom cry of being so proud. When would I see that again? I really need to step up my game, like seriously. I'm doing these self-growth practices (e-mails), being productive and other stuff that I know are just simple joys my mom would be happy to see. I might seem cold and ignorant to my parents, but in reality, I was just cursing myself that I did a horrible job in pleasing them. Now some of you may think that it's not good to please others. But I believe that pleasing my parents is the greatest gift I could give them considering that I'm not known to be the best daughter anyone could think of. Okay, I'm going to be optimistic. If I don't get and honor grade this quarter, I would just do my very best for my exams so I could at least say that I tried. If it doesn't work out, then I'll do better. I will do better, no promises, no doubts, just the truth. I can't stand myself being all lazy and stuff, that's 2019 me. I won't even try to be unproductive because of my friends (trust me, if anyone's gonna bring out the lazy side of me, it's them. But not anymore). I wouldn't think of how I'm going to do that just yet since it's the reason why we hesitate to do productive things (like making a huge wishlist that you are going to promise yourself good things, perspectives, and actions). I will be able to do this, I usually think that if I think too highly of myself then karma is going to hit me and the result would be the opposite of what I want to happen. But things still didn't go right for me, so I'll try to believe in myself more this year.

If you actually read all of that, props to you. You're so patient :)