Long way home

The Horizon

Heyyy so this whole chapter is basically just Deeks and Kensi's coversation about the enitre thing. Enjoy!

"Kens?" Deeks's voice was soft, trembling and he sounded exhausted.

"Deeks? oh my god, Deeks what the hell are you doing?" Kensi asked a little too quick and nervously than she would've liked.

"We need to meet. Can we meet on the beach? The one we always go to."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." She slid her phone into her pocket and jumped into her car and sped off. Kensi pulled over and prepared herself for what Deeks was going to say. Was he really going rogue? Guess it was time to find out. She pulled herself together, got out of her car and walked towards her partner who was sitting on the warm, soft sand. Kensi held on to Deeks's knee as she lowered herself down beside him.

"Never ceases to amaze me how the calm, deep blue waters of the ocean can create so much emotions." Deeks said softly, without looking away from the waters.

"I think we have more important things to talk about. Please, please for the sake of my sanity, tell me this is a cover story." Kensi whispered to her partner, trying her very best to control her emotions.

Deeks turned to her slowly, at first too afraid to look into his partner's eyes and lie. He gathered the courage and looked right into her beautiful, eccentric eyes.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. He knew it was for everyone's safety but he was being forced to lie to someone he loved so much. It wasn't just any lie, it was one that could ruin their entire relationship. But he had to. Deeks placed his hand over Kensi's and he felt a warmth in his heart that he longed for. Kensi looked at their intertwined hands blankly. Inside, she was breaking.

"Why? Why, Deeks? What the hell are you doing, Marty?" Kensi raised her voice and could feel a rush of anger coming over her. She controlled herself before she could start yelling at him. "Why?" She asked. Softer this time, too soft that she was afraid her partner wouldnt hear her. With no warning whatsoever, tears started rolling down her cheeks and she broke down. No matter how angry she was, she didn't pull her hand away and decided to let Deeks hold on to it.

"Kens, I still care about you. I sti-" He couldn't answer her question and thought this was the best thing to say as he turned away from her. Tears started to form in his ocean blue eyes and they started falling as Kensi stood up. He held on to her soft hand tightly, preventing her from walking away. Too weak to stand, he still sat on the sand and stared out into the sunset, still holding on to his lover's hand.

Staring out into the the horizon, he said weakly, "No, don't go"

"I'm sorry, Deeks"

"Kensi...please" he felt helpless now as he loosened his grip in Kensi's hand

"I'm sorry" Kensi let out a small sob as her hand slid away from his.

"please..." Deeks was sobbing to himself now, watching the love of his life walk back to her car from the corner of his eye. Finally, breaking his gaze from the ocean, his head dropped in between his knees and for the first time since his ptsd, Deeks started crying. Crying for himself, for Kensi, for the team, for the safety and warmth he longed for. Hell, everything, even the thought of his messed up childhood broke him. God knows how long this op is going to take since he has to be extra careful now. He could no longer contact his team as easily as before. How was he going to go on now that he knows Kensi hates him? Time passed slowly as the detective sat on the sand with his head in between his knees and both arms resting on his knees. He looked up to see that the sun had gone down and the beach was empty. He laid down on the soft sand with a heavy heart. After what seemed like an eternity, the once cheerful, crazy blonde-haired detective drifted off to sleep, on his favourite beach that only reminded him of one thing. It reminded him of Kensi Blye.