By Name Only

24)

      "It's where my demons hide,
    It's where my demons hide..."

    (Tenshi's POV)

    I'm standing in a sterile white room, a bulletproof glass wall being the only exit. Before me cowers an old, fat man, sharply dressed in a business suit, sweat covering his pasty brow.

    "Please," the politician pleads. "Please, I have a daughter at home. Her mother is dead, she has no one. Please."

    "Tenshi," there's a group of scientists behind the glass. "We don't have all day to stand here. Unless you like the whip, I suggest you get on with it. We have more important things to do."

    I turn back to the man.

    "I'm sorry," I whisper to him.

    "No!" he shouts. I lunge.

    "NO!" I sit bolt upright, cold sweat running down my body. I hunch over, trembling all over at the memory. The darkness in the room, usually such a comfort, feels oppressive to me now.

    I can hear a knock at my door. "Come in," I call out. The doorknob turns. Loki rushes in, immediately grasping the situation. I turn my head away, embarrassed to be seen like this.

    "It's okay, Loki. You can go back to bed, it was just a nightmare," I say. "It's no big deal."

    I feel the bed dip down under Loki's weight. His steady, dry hands clasp my shaking, sweaty ones tightly.

    "Tenshi," he says softly. "It's clearly a big deal to you if it caused a dream horrid enough to make you cry out in your sleep. I'm not going to leave you alone with that dream. Please, let me help you. You may feel better if you talk to me about it."

    I shakily raise my gaze to his. My eyes are burning, the unshed tears threatening to fall. Loki immediately pulls me closer, allowing me to bury my head in his chest. He holds me gently, stroking my messy hair as he rocks back and forth to soothe me. I muffle my cries as he does this, not wanting them to be heard.

    "It's alright," he coos. "It's alright. Let it out. Don't hold it in. I'm right here."

    My tears eventually slow, and I can breathe without wailing. Shaking a little, I pull away for a moment to readjust myself against his shoulder.

    "It was a memory," I whisper. "A politician got on H.Y.D.R.A's blacklist. They made me kill him. I was told that it was part of my training and that I would be whipped if I didn't. Since H.Y.D.R.A was all I ever knew before coming here, I didn't question it. The politician told me that he had a daughter and that his wife had passed on. H.Y.D.R.A made me kill him anyway. I was twelve at the time. I didn't want to kill him, Loki. I really didn't."

    "It's alright. You're away from all that now. And I'm glad you told me this. I know you feel guilty for killing that man. But you must understand that you had no choice. It was either kill him, or have your back laid open and he would die regardless. The fact that you hesitated to kill him tells me that you didn't want to do it. It's alright. It's over now."

    "Thank you, Loki," I murmur, nuzzling his shoulder. "Sorry for waking you up."

    "You didn't wake me. I was already awake, since I couldn't sleep anyway. I'm glad for it, now." He replies warmly. I relax against him as he begins to hum an unfamiliar, but soothing tune. I am half asleep on his shoulder when he gently lays me back on my sheets and tucks my blankets over me. The last thing I feel before oblivion takes me is a cool kiss on my temple.

    I know nothing else for the rest of the night.

    A/n: Sorry this one was so short. I thought you'd like a glimpse of one of the things Tenshi was forced to do by H.Y.D.R.A.