The Mechanics of Love

|5|

"Emma Mae Thompson is now home with her Lord, her family, and where she can feel no pain." The pastor said, and then proceeded to talk more about heaven and all the good Emma Mae had done while down here. He then asked if anyone wanted to say something about her. When he asked that I felt Damien's gaze on me before he turned it back to the man in the front. I was in no position to speak to a crowd right now.

We watched as people got up and said wonderful things about her, all true. I was doing well with not crying, just trying to make it through the service. Damien drove for me, knowing I wouldn't be in the right state of mind.

It has been a week since she passed and four since the memorial. It was in the middle of the day, and it was a gorgeous day. I was sitting on the couch reading while Damien went and got us lunch

I wondered if she really could hear me. I tried reading the book out loud for a while and I didn't notice a difference but I kept reading to her. She always loved fairytales.

As I started another chapter, the steady beeping-that had turned into comfort during my time here-changed into a solid beep. I jumped up yelling for a doctor. I was pushed to the side as they tried everything they could. It was a torturous five minutes that felt like five hours. I say them all sigh in defeat and knew what they were expressing.

"Time of death, 12:48 pm." One nurse said quietly, almost trying to not let me hear, but I knew. 

I sat there for a while, unsure really of what to do. Damien was trying to comfort me the best he could, but it did little to heal the ache. She was the first person to really care for me and to show me what it felt like to love and to be loved. Words can't describe how much I am going to miss her. 

Even though we didn't see each other very often or talk every day I always knew she was there and I loved her. Now...

I came out of my daze when I heard Damien set a bag down. 

"I'm not hungry." I said as I got up to leave the room. 

Damien quickly followed me into the kitchen as I busied myself by making some chai tea and cleaning. 

"You need to eat. You haven't eaten a decent meal in over a week. I can't let this go on."

I sighed. "I am not hungry. I have been eating small things, but I will eat when I get hungry."

"No, you have only had a piece of toast every once in a while, that is not a sufficient meal. You are going to starve your body."

"I'm fine. I will eat when I'm hungry. When I go to the cafe tomorrow I will get something."

"You aren't going anywhere until you eat a proper meal. I am not having my girlfriend pass out at work." 

"You are making too big of a deal about this." 

"You aren't making it a big enough deal. I get that you need time to grieve and that's fine but I'm not going to let you slowly destroy yourself." 

I rolled my eyes. "Stop being so dramatic, I'm fine." 

He huffed. "You are being too stubborn. I am trying to take care of you and you are just pushing me away."

"I'm not trying to." I mumble. 

He sighed. "Look, I have to go to work. They are going crazy and someone needs to keep them in order." 

He came and wrapped me in a hug as he gave me a kiss on my temple. "I love you, I hope you know that's why I'm doing all this."