Georgia Nicolson Fanfiction: "An Ode to Pants"

Why do you need some Patchwork Pants?

After I nodded, there was silence. Then Dave his arm around me.
"Okay, Georgia. Your sixteenth is next month, right? Well, maybe that could be my birthday present to you."
I hugged him in a proper bear hug. Unfortunately, he was stronger than me and almost popped my eyes out in his hug. As we went out of the school gates, Lindsay was there and gave me the official Look of Death. When she saw my hand intertwined with Dave's, she scowled and said, "Dave, so who are you going out with at the moment?"
I couldn't BELIEVE what she was doing!! She was hitting on MY boyfriend!
Dave smiled at me... and kissed me right in front of Lindsay!! I honestly thought she was going to throw up. She didn't even say anything, she just walked away.
Dave grinned. "I don't like her."
"Who can? We're only human."
"Good one. Let's get you home."
He walked me home with his arm around my shoulders. As it was Dave, his arm sort of drifted down to my basooma. I was going to stop him, but I remembered he is my boyfriend, so I let him. When we reached my house, he gave me a quick number six and then he went off home.

Monday 13th July
7:45
Woke up to Mr Fish singing, "Maybe it's beCOD I'm a Londoner!"
And Libby laughing like an asylum escapee which, incidentally, she may be.

8:30
On the way to Jas' house. Ah, thar she blows! She was waddling quite quickly away from her house.
"JAS!"
She turned around and saw me, "Oh, sorry, Georgia, I must have left early by mistake."
I don't think she meant it.
As she munched on a biscuit, I told her about the Dave birthday present fandango.
"Bugger me." She said after I finished.
For once, she was not exaggerating.
As we got in range of Stalag 14, we had to nip to the park loos to roll down skirts, take off lippy etc. I dashed past Hawkeye and I don't think she quite registered that it was me until I was halfway across the playground. As Jas and I rushed into the cloakroom, Jas said, "At break I think we should check where everyone has got to on the Snogging Scale."
I looked at her in amazement.
"That is a good idea, Jas."
She turned red, "Well, I heard that someone has got to number ten recently."
I had a mini freak-out. "WHAT WHAT WHAT?????? You mean someone IN THE GANG got to NUMBER TEN???"
I kept pestering her until we got into the assembly line, but I got the evil glare from Hawkeye so I stopped.

Assembly
After a quick burst of, "Gladly, my cross I bear." Or as we know and love it, "Gladly, my cross-eyed bear.", Slim jellied onto the stage and began her speech about standards and all that malarkey. RoRo was staring at me for the whole of assembly, and then when we were making our way to German, she asked me, "What did you do then?"
I went a bit red. "Jas wants to have a Snogging update at break, so I'll tell you then."
Rosie gave me her famous cross-eyed loon look and as we went past Herr Kamyer, he said to her, "Ach, Rosie, if you keep your face like dat, it vill freeze zat way forevar!" And he had a complete spaz of a laughing attack. We just looked at him as we went into the classroom.

German
In our cosy place at the back, we could only just hear Herr Kamyer. Excellent. Jools said, "So, Snogging update at break? Perfect. I bet I'm winning."
I gave her the Klingon salute and said, "Well, Jas reckons that someone in this gang got to number ten."
We all looked at Jas and her ears turned scarlet.
She said, "Let's wait till break,"
We nodded like Wise Women of the Forest Snog.

Break
As we munched on our munchies, we began the update. Rosie started us off.
"Sven and myself have got to number nine."
We all almost choked.
Ellen dithered for England. "Did you... you know... did you... touch his..."
Rosie nodded, which was slightly unnerving actually.
Next it was Jas.
She hesitated but eventually said, "Hunky and me are on eight."
We all looked at Jas's basoomas, which are not massive.
Mabs's turn.
"Same as Jas."
Jools.
"... Number ten."
We all turned into Ellen (and that gives you an idea of how shocked we were).
"WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT???"
"JOOLS YOU HAVE LOST YOUR INNOCENCE!"
"YOU HAVE HAD A TROUSER SNAKE INSIDE OF YOU??????"
Jools just nodded.
We all peered at her skirt.
"Quit it, you lezzies, don't you want to know how it was?"
The gang and me nodded so hard I thought our heads would fall off. Jools cleared her throat.
"Well, after a Late and Live with Rollo, he asked if I wanted to go back to his for a coffee. I obviously said yes and we went to his house. When we got there we had coffee and talked for a bit, and then he asked if I wanted to go to his room. I don't know why I said yes, but I did. Then we went up and he closed the door behind us. I could sort of sense that it was going to happen, and I kind of wanted to. Rollo sorta pushed me against the bed and kissed me really hard and strong. I noticed he was pulling up my shirt, so I pulled up his, and he did that moaney thing. Then he pushed me onto the bed and, like, was on top of me..."
I looked at her expectantly.
"I would go on, but I think you all know what happens now, and also it would sound like a porno."
Fair enough.
Jools looked at me and said, "Your turn, Gee."
Technically, I had got to seven with Dave last night, but I exaggerated (lied).
"I got to eight as well."
They all shrugged and discarded it. Jas looked at me. She wanted me to tell them about the present thing.
I cleared my throat to get the gang's attention.
"Dave said that me and him can get to number ten after my sixteenth."
The Gang ogled like ogling oglers.
"As a birthday present?" Asked RoRo.
I nodded and continued, "Because he's sixteen, and I'm almost sixteen, we think it should work."
They all nodded like those nodding dogs in cars. Unexpectedly, Ellen dithered into life.
"Well... do you, or something, want to like know about me, with Declan?"
We shrugged. There was no way she had somehow got to past number ten, was there? Oh merde, I said that out loud.
Jas said, "What is past number ten??"
The Gang looked at me expectantly.
I acted like I ate Ellen for breakfast.
"It's when, you know, oh come on, you do know, it's when.. well it goes inside a different.... into.... "
I think Mabs was the only one who actually got it because she mimed being sick and said, "ERLACK! GEE, THAT'S GROSS!!!"
The Gang are very fast learners indeed.
"Oh God, get me a bucket!!"
"Gee, WHY?"
I turned beetroot.
Ellen, ignoring the group gagging, dithered into life anyway,"Well, I, like, got to number eight, or something." Group shrugging. Ellen looked ticked off, as she would. She's been acting funny since last night.
She's jelly. Tee hee.
"I heard something." Said Rosie, blowing a massive bubblegum bubble.
We looked expectant.
"The Stiff Dylans are coming to town on Saturday, on tour."
The gang looked at me. I couldn't think of anything to say.
"We are going." Jas said. It wasn't a question, it was a command.