Remembering October: Falling for You Series

Chapter Three: Guilt

The insanely loud chatter of the cafeteria is echoing throughout the room, making me frown.

Walking over to the table that I sit at, I ignore the noise, shoving my headphones into my ears as always, drowning it out.

I only get a couple of glances today. Nice. Maybe this day is turning around, considering I had too many eyes on me, whispers attached to them, as I walked into class late this morning.

It was hard at first, especially since I used to have so many friends who I don't speak to anymore, and they would always come up to me and ask if I was okay.

That's how I got my mean streak. I used to just ignore everyone, hoping to be left alone, but then I started to get annoyed with everyone constantly yapping in my face, trying to get me to talk to them. Express your feelings, Jonah. Try not to think about it, Jonah. And my absolute favorite, It'll get better soon, Jonah, I promise.

So I told them to fuck off instead.

They left me alone after they started to take the hints and turned to the continuous staring that I still think is even more annoying than them coming up to me directly.

After a while, people started moving on from me and my story, as they do with most things. They lost interest as soon as I started telling them where to shove their advice on my situation.

Now, no one ever comes up to me to speak. They've replaced the words with plain staring. I feel eyes on my back constantly. Yes, they've moved on, but that still doesn't stop them from gossiping behind my back occasionally, making up rumors mostly. Luke is the only one who refuses to stop trying to talk to me about random things occasionally to make conversation and I end up having to yell at him too. He hasn't seem to have gotten the hint as everyone else has, though it hasn't been the same, and I don't plan on it ever being the same as before.

It's not that I don't like him anymore, I just want him and everybody else to leave me alone. I never thought it could be so hard to get people to hate you so that they would stop talking to you, but they learned eventually that I'm never in the mood to 'chat' or 'joke around' anymore.

So they just ignore me, pretend like I don't even come to this school, let alone have been here for the past three years, some of them even before then. Though that's exactly what I want to happen.

Sitting down, at the table furthest away from everyone in the corner of the building, my eyes scan the cafeteria quickly, just to make sure Luke, or anyone who dared, hasn't followed to try and sit with me.

I spot Luke sitting at the table I used to sit at. The one with all the guys and girls who act like they never knew me.

Luke is laughing at something said by my other former friend, Josh Crane, who I guess just told one of his famous lame jokes I used to think were hilarious. I still remember the time he told everyone he slept with Kinzie Albert, only to have her walk up to the table to pour her soda on top of his head. I had nearly died with laughter that day.

Looking back down at my plate that has a sad looking apple and sandwich that I spent 3 dollars on, I make a mental note to pack my own tomorrow. I simply didn't have time this morning.

I take a large bite of my sandwich and chew slowly, trying not to think of how my life changed to drastically in the past year, even though it never works, watching the people chatting with each other. The few eyes on me that were there when I walked in have dropped away after a while, leaving me alone with my food.

I go for another bite, but suddenly, a shadow appears over my head and when I look up, there's a girl standing there with a curious look on her face. Her eyes travel from my food to my face and then finally rest on my eyes.