She really doesn't know what to do anymore. She thinks she might be going crazy but she doesn't know.
Pain. Oh the pain she feels. Oh how it hurts so much. But she doesn't tell anyone that. Probably never will. Every time she try's his words ring out in her mind. Who knows, they might not believe her and just think she's crazy. And she doesn't want to go to a mental hospital. Sure everyone is a little crazy, but she thinks she might be insane.
People say they know what she's going through, but in reality no one does. No one knows the pain she's going through. The nightmares she has. No one at all.
Sometimes she thinks it might be easier is she ended it. Then she wouldn't be in pain anymore. She's tried before. But her mom found her before she could bleed out in her bathroom floor. Into an endless sleep. She's thought about trying again but she's a coward. And maybe she doesn't deserve something so merciful as death. He told her she didn't. She's just a useless coward.
She's so far gone that her own mother can even smile at her. All she gets is this sad look that she knows she caused. Her father, he was her best friend. But he can't even kiss her on the forehead without silent tears running down his cheeks.
Both of them fear for her. Their little girl that had to grow up to fast. Forced to by tragedy. She feels guilty. She's the one that makes her mother cry herself to sleep only to be woken up hours later by nightmares that make her scream. She's the one who makes her father afraid to go to work. Afraid to come home to something no words can describe.
She has to brothers as well. One older, one younger. They would kill him if they knew what he did. But she can't tell them. He would kill her before that happened. She wants to die but not by his hand. That would be icing on the cake for him. She can't let that happen.
So she tries again. Takes a bottle full of pills. Hoping to go to sleep peacefully. But of course she doesn't get that lucky.
Her mother comes into her room to put clothes away, then some towels in her bathroom. But what she finds is her only daughter half dead. She starts screaming for sons to call 911 and then her husband. She's crying as she holds her daughters head in her lap. Begging her to stay.
As she apologises one more time to her mother she closes her eyes. Maybe forever.
