Escape

chpt. 5 Be with Me Or Not (Exposure)

It's been a month since Aniya exposed me and Xavier, shit has been hectic not only with my relationships with people but also my schoolwork. I'm failing classes, i'm very antisocial these days. Side eying everybody and they mommas. Luckily i'm good at putting on a front for people. I don't want people to think i'm weak so I act like it doesn't bother me but it really does. I cry every time i think about the whole situation.

I've been seeing Xavier in the hallways these past few days. In my head I just don't know whether to walk up to him and tell him I'm sorry a million times. I would do anything or give up anything to be back with Xavier again. He was the first person that I did my first everything with. My first kiss, losing my virginity, etc. I just miss him and it's hurts a lot.

NEW SEMESTER

*3 Months after getting exposed

We're in a new semester, so you know what that means. New classes, New people, New teachers. I had Cooking 112, Sports Medicine 113, Math 141, and English 101. I go to my first period which is Sports Medicine 113. I walk in the classes with my head down looking at floor and look up and I see Xavier sitting at the desk in the corner. In my mind i'm freaking out and I'm shaking harder than a bitch. I decided to sit in the front to avoid all contact because I didn't know if something would happen if I would've sat back there with him. I sat down waiting for bell rings, in walks teacher. 30 minutes in class time, she says we have to partner up and do a project together about some type of medicine called ibuprofen, I really wasn't paying attention like that because my mind was on Xavier the whole class. Out of nowhere I hear my name and Xavier in a sentence together. "Xavier and Jordan, y'all are partners" -the teacher said. The whole class gagged and started snickering. Xavier started telling the whole class to stfu and told them he wanted to work with me. I was confused as to why he wanted to work with considering the fact that he was really angry with me and i'm pretty sure he wanted nothing to do with me but I wasn't complaining because I did miss him. The class immediately went crickets after X told them to shut the fuck up. In my head, i'm like "Yeah my nigga told y'all to shut the fuck up" then I remembered that we wasn't even talking anymore and that made me sad. The teacher than told us to get sit beside our partners, I looked back at Xavier and under his breath he's saying come back here. I get up and moved to his spot. We started working on the project but it was so awkward. It's like the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife, A BIG ASS KNIFE. We pretty much avoided eye contact and touching the whole class. The bell rings and we wasn't even finish with our project. I told the teacher we wasn't finished, he then said "Well you guys will have to finish after school, so exchange phone numbers and talk about how you're going to finish it" My eyes widened like a fat kid looking at candy for a good minute. After telling Xavier what the teacher said, he then smacked his lips "Ard well i'll come by your house tonight and we can finish" -he said with attitude. "okay well text me when you're on the way then" - I said with attitude back. I got up and walked back to my desk and gathered my stuff and put it back in my bookbag. I looked back and there he was staring at my backside again. It was nostalgia, just like the first day I met him when we bumped into each other in the hallways.

Time goes by for the rest of the day in my new classes. I go home and waited for Xavier to text me. He eventually texted me and told me he was in front of the door. I go downstairs to open it and there he was. I then let him in and we go into my room. I close the door and we started working on our project. I'm sitting on my bed and he's sitting my desk on the other side of the room. 'here we go with this tension-able energy' I think in my head. 20 minutes pass, "Why did you tell her?" -Xavier said. I really didn't have an answer to the question, I just knew that I thought I could trust Aniya but apparently not. "I don't know, I just thought that we were best friend and i knew she wouldn't say shit but I was wrong" -I said. "

"Well you thought wrong, now look at us, look at you. You're lonely with no friends and now you don't got me" -Xavier said tryna be funny and be rude.

"Well if I'm so lonely why the fuck are you working with me? Why the fuck are you in my room? Why did you become my partner? You can leave if you want too. I didn't beg you to be my partner" - I said with attitude and a stank face.

"Fine then nigga, I don't need this shit, i'm leaving." -Xavier said while packing his things up

Before he gets close to door, I close it back and grabbed him and kissed him hard. He then pulled me and pushed me back into the bed. "The fuck is wrong with you" - He said. I didn't say anything, I just kept staring at him while sitting on the bed slouched over. He then comes up to me and grabs me by the throat and started kissing me back. I then get up and kissed him back. He's grabbing my hips and I'm grabbing his throat. At this point we tonguing each other down. He then pushed me back on the bed and reached in his pocket and pulled out a condom. "Oh you already had plans of doing something huh?" - I said. "No i just keep one in my pockets everything I go somewhere" - He said. "Righttttt" - I said with a smirk. He got on top of me and started doing his due diligence.

Y'all Know How The Rest Go.

1 hour after our fucking sessions, we then put our clothes back on and by this time it was 10:00pm and it was time for him to go home. I walked him to his car. He told me to get in the car. I was confused but I got in. After 10 minutes of just staring at each other and smirking and him tryna flirt with me, I asked him "what does this mean for us?" 

"We not together, we friends nothing more" -He said.

" If that's the case, you should've told me this b4 I gave you some back there" - I said.

"Well what you want me to say?" -He said.

"I want to be with you" - I said.

"We know what happened last time we WAS 'together' -He said.

"Nigga we wasn't even together you was hiding me" -I said mildly loud.

"You know i'm not ready for this shit, I don't know why you bring this shit on me after we just started getting back on good terms" -He said.

"You know what, never mind we just friends, nothing more and nothing less. Bescause if you can't be seen with me in public then I don't want to be with you. I'll text you more update on the projects and that's it" - I said as I'm rushing to get out his car and him trying to pull me back "AYE HOLD ON" -He yelled. I rush in the house while he still yelling. I look out the window and he drive off. I go to my room and started balling my eyes out again. I then dried my tears and finished the rest of the project by myself. I went to my phone and I see 6 missed calls and 15 text messages. I just avoided all those notifications and told Xavier that the project was done and that we were done too. I put my phone on DND and went to sleep.