You're walking in the woods.
There's no one around and your phone is dead.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him.
Shia LeBeouf.
He's following you, about 30 feet back.
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint.
He's gaining on you.
Shia LeBeouf.
You're looking for your car but you're all turned around.
He's almost upon you now and you can see the blood on his face.
My God, there's blood every where!
Running for your life from Shia LeBeouf.
He's brandishing a knife, it's Shia LeBeouf.
Lurking in the shadows, Hollywood superstar, Shia LeBeouf.
Living in the woods.
Shia LeBeouf.
Killing for sport.
Shia LeBeouf.
Eating all the bodies, actual cannibal, Shia LeBeouf.
Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him, but you've hopelessly lost yourself, stranded with a murderer.
You creep silently through the underbrush.
Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on - hope!
You move steadily toward it...
But your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg.
Quiet, quiet.
Limping to the cottage.
Quiet, quiet.
Now you're on the doorstep.
Sitting inside, Shia LeBeouf.
Sharpening an axe.
Shia LeBeouf.
But he doesn't hear you enter.
Shia LeBeouf.
You're sneaking up behind him...
Strangling superstar, Shia LeBeouf!
Fighting for your life with Shia LeBeouf!
Wrestling a knife from Shia LeBeouf!
Stab it in his kidney...
Safe at last from Shia LeBeouf!
You limp into the dark woods, blood oozing from your stump leg.
You've beaten Shia LeBeouf.
Wait! He isn't dead! Shia surprise!
There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes!
But you can do Jiu Jitsu, body slam superstar, Shia LeBeouf.
Normal Tuesday night for Shia LeBeouf.
You try to swing an axe at Shia LeBeouf.
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg.
He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left.
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck.
You're chopping off his head now.
You have just decapitated Shia LeBeouf!
His head topples to the floor, expressionless.
You fall to your knees and catch your breath.
You're finally safe from Shia LeBeouf.
