The Certainty of Violet and Luke

Chapter 16

Violet

The next day I wake up from the strangest nightmare, if you can even call it that. I'm not even sure what the hell it is or means. In it was my mom. She was standing in front of her grave with her arm outstretched to me and I was frozen at the edge of the cemetery, unable to step foot on the grass and go to her.

'I can't,' I'd cried. 'I just can't.'

She'd finally lowered her hand and smiled at me. 'I's okay, Violet my baby girl. You can do it. Just let me go.'

That's when I'd awoken, gasping for air, not necessarily terrified but confused. A confusion that's still whirling around inside me. And that confusion amplified when I remembered last night's events.

I still agree to go to the gym the next day, even though Luke gives me an out, saying that either we can stay home if I want or that I don't have to come after what happened last night. I can tell that he wants me to go with him, though, and honestly I don't want to stay in the apartment after what happened. The worst part about this whole thing is I don't even know why Preston is doing this or what he wants from me. In the past, I'd always know - deal drugs for him and sexual favors. But now it feels like he's playing some sort of game with me where I'm left wondering what the hell will happen next. It's been so quietly lately too that I'd started to let my guard down and almost forget he was still lurking around. I can't do that, but I also don't want to live my life in fear anymore.

I want to be fearless.

I want to be free.

I just want to be me.

Trying to shake thoughts of Preston the best that I can, I get dressed to go to the gym, putting on a pair of tight shorts and a tank top topped with a hoodie. Then pull my hair up, the entire time pretending everything's okay, that I wasn't shaken to the core last night.

I feel exhausted, but Luke looks even worse than I do. When I ask him if he slept at all, he says, 'enough,' but the dark circles under his eyes contradict his words.

We're headed out the door when Greyson comes bouncing up to me from the kitchen with way too much energy for six thirty in the morning. 'Happy Halloween!' He offers me a cupcake in the shape of a pumpkin. He's dressed in shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, ready to hit the gym. How the hell he manages to get ready and cook cupcakes already is beyond me.

'Thanks.' I take the cupcake with great appreciation, then lick a huge mouthful of orange frosting, savoring the sugar rush I get.

'We're heading out,' Luke tells him, slinging his bag over his shoulder. 'You and Seth coming?'

Greyson nods, returning to the kitchen and starts putting away the rest of the cupcakes he cooked. 'I am for sure. We'll see about sleeping beauty. He hates exercise.'

'Sounds like a brilliant man to me.' I bite the cupcake and nearly have a foodgasm, the buttery frosting and cake melting the moment if touches my tongue. 'Jesus, this is good.'

Luke watches me with a lustful look as if watching me lick frosting is the sexiest thing he's ever seen. 'Yeah, I can see that.' It takes him a moment, but he manages to blink his gaze off my mouth. 'Just tell him he can hang with Violet,' he says to Greyson. 'She's not too into it, just coming to keep me company.'

'Okay, that might get him to be more agreeable.' Greyson pops the lid on the case he put the cupcakes in then rounds the kitchen with another cupcake in his hand. 'One for the road?'

'What do I look like? A sugar junkie?' I ask, but then take the cupcake anyway. 'Thanks.'

Greyson shakes his head at me with a smile touching his lips. 'See you in a bit, sugar junkie.'

I wave goodbye to him then follow Luke out to the truck, feeling my guard go up the moment I step out the door as lasts night's events race through my mind. As if Luke senses my panic, he threads his fingers through mine and holds onto me tightly until we're safely in his truck.

He drives down the road as I munch on the cupcake, staring at the houses and stores lining the roads. Everything is splashed in oranges, blacks, and purples. Fake witches and skeletons and cobwebs cover the inside and outside of buildings.

'I've never been into holidays,' I divulge to Luke as I take another bite full of frosting.

'Really?' he asks me, although he doesn't seem too surprised.

I shrug, peeling the paper of the cupcake down lower. 'It's probably because I've never celebrated them. I never had costumes for Halloween, unless I wanted to make them on my own, which I never did because I never had anyone to take me out to get candy. I did the Thanksgiving a few times, but family dinners were usually awkward for the outcast and nonmember of the family clan. Then Christmas ... I hate Christmas. There was nothing jolly about it all when I was younger ... I mean after my parents ...' I swallow hard as I pick at the cupcake and emotions well inside me, so I have to clear my throat. 'Yeah, but I can remember getting a single present one time from one of the families, that actually seemed great when I opened it. A pretty silver ring ornament with a violet stone that was surrounded by these little onyx gems. It was so beautiful and was perfect for the fourteen year old gothic version of me.'

That gets Luke to smile. 'I can totally picture you all dressed in black and covered in studs.'

'Yeah, I pulled it off pretty well. The ring would have looked totally kicks ass too, but yeah, about five minutes after I got the ring, Mrs Fairly informed me that she'd given me the wrong present, took it away, and gave the ring to her daughter. My real present ended up being new socks.' I stop talking, my heart knocking inside my very long confessional. 'Yeah, sorry about the sad, pity party story. I don't know what got into me.' I glance down at the cupcake. What the hell did Greyson put in this thing? Truth Serum?

Luke's continues to drive down the road, mulling over something. 'I hate holidays too,' he admits, flipping his blinker on to turn off the main road. 'We never really celebrated them right. For Halloween, we'd usually clean the house, although Kayden and I did go out trick or treating a few times. For Thanksgiving, if I was lucky, she'd let me and Amy cook a good meal or I'd get invited to one of my friends, but that's when I was older. And Christmas ...' His mouth snaps shut, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel. 'Let's just say that Christmases were the worst.'

I feel like he's giving me something in return for sharing my story, even if I really didn't mean to. Stuffing the rest of the cupcake into my mouth, I slide across the seat toward him and hold my pinkie up. 'You know what we should do? We should make a promise not to make a big deal of holidays.'

He considers what I said, glancing from my pinkie to my face. 'You've never dressed up for Halloween and gone out trick or treating ever?'

I shake my head. 'I'm sure I did when I was still with my parents, but the memories are too foggy to remember it - most of them are anyway,' I say, my heart constricting in my chest at the painful reminder.

Instead of giving me a look of pity, determination fills his expression. 'Then how about this? How about we celebrate the shit out of all the holidays. Every single Goddamn one. Every single year.' When he stops at a stop sign, he turns to face me in the seat and lifts his pinkie in front of me. 'What do you say? Are you in?'

I know his words have much bigger meaning than just celebrate a few holidays, but I'm not sure if I'm promising them to the full. Still, what he's proposing sounds like something I've always wanted, but never let myself want, since I was about five years old. So I hook my pinkie with his and decide to give it a try. 'Okay, Mr. Stoically Aloof, I'm in.'