History, huh?

Four

Henry was relieved that both he and Alex were okay. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Alex's neck, just to reassure himself that Alex was there and alive and okay. His hands were shaking, so he tangled his fingers with Alex's knowing that Alex's touch would help still him. It had been so scary and so short. It was a hazy memory at the forefront of Henry's mind. He couldn't fid words to describe the rushed chain of events, but he was so grateful to Alex for getting him out of the way in time. If he hadn't...

Henry shuddered at the thought and shuffled in his seat. Alex took a shuddered breath so Henry looked up at him and saw tears falling from his eyes. Wanting to do whatever he could to comfort him, he removed his hand from Alex's tight grasp to wipe the tears from his cheek, but he saw that something red was left behind instead. He pulled his hand away and examined it. It was bloody, but Henry hadn't been shot. Surely, even with the surplus of adrenaline, he would have felt or registered getting shot. Despite his best efforts to hide it, he gasped at the sight of the blood on his palm and now against his love's cheek. Alex blinked his eyes open at the sound.

Henry tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. His mind raced a mile a minute with thoughts of Alex injured. Alex keeping his injury from him. Alex...

"Alex..." he searched Alex's eyes for some kind of answer. Normally, Alex's eyes were frantic until they landed on Henry's. Normally, seeing Alex's brown eyes instantly put Henry at ease.

Henry tentatively started to unbutton Alex's blazer on the off-chance that there was a sign of a wound under the dark fabric. He pushed the lapels to the side and fought the urge to vomit when he saw it. A red, bleeding mark by Alex's heart. The blood seeped through the white shirt and, Henry realized, the blazer too. He looked up at Alex, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Why hadn't Alex told him? It looked terribly painful and surely Alex knew that it was bad, so why didn't he tell Henry? Or Cash? Anyone? Was he planning on just pretending he hadn't been hurt until they were at the safe house? 

Anger was rising in his throat like bile. 

"You––"

No. He wasn't going to yell at him. 

"Alex, why didn't you...oh, Christ, Alex. Jesus...Cash! Cash, he's hurt! Oh Christ, Alex? Alex, love, you idiot, what did you do?" 

He was trying not to cry. The tears threatened to fall but he had to push them back because he needed to be strong for Alex. He couldn't...he had to keep himself together. 

Alex shrugged and leaned his head back against the headrest. "I had to...he was aiming for you. I'll be fine. 'M indestructible."

Alex's face paled and his eyes fluttered shut, leaving Henry in an unbearable silence. He put his hand over Alex's heart––softly so he didn't hurt him or make it worse––and felt that it was still beating. Faintly, but still. 

"Cash! There's...he's bleeding. What do I do?" 

"Put pressure on it. I got clearance to go to the hospital. Amy and Shaan will meet us there. Stay calm, Henry. We'll be there soon."

Henry nodded and removed Alex's blazer, clenching it into a ball and holding it steadfast against the wound. 

When they got to the hospital, Alex was wheeled off on a gurney and taken into surgery. Henry was seated in a private waiting room with Cash, Shaan, and Amy who were all taking calls and explaining the situation. Henry's hands were still shaking and he was still holding Alex's bloody, crumpled blazer. He had been so focused on keeping pressure on Alex's wound that he hadn't really let himself think about it all yet. What it meant. What he felt about it. 

He was...he was scared. Terrified. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he'd always known that Alex was too good to be true. That there was no real rhyme or reason to their relationship and that Henry didn't fit into the life that Alex had pictured for himself. Henry had expected Alex to break up with him at some point––to realize that everything hadn't been worth it. That Henry wasn't worth it. He was just starting to get used to the fact that Alex loved him as much as he loved Alex and that they really could have a future together but now...

He'd been in hospital waiting rooms before. He was used to the waiting. The terrible, terrible waiting. The picturesque sadness and stillness of the waiting room, the taste of cheap coffee and the burn of it in the back of his throat. After his father, he thought that there would be no more of that. He thought that he could leave that sort of hurt behind for good, but here he was. And Alex...well, this was so sudden. 

Just this morning they had woken up next to each other and made slow, passionate love in their house. Just the two of them in the morning light of Brooklyn. Henry had helped Alex pick what to wear for the event. He'd rehearsed his speech one more time, just so that Alex would kiss him when he was done. But now...

Henry fell asleep in the waiting room after a while. The exhaustion and the stress caught up to him and shut him down. He was awakened by Shaan who said that Alex was out of surgery and that Henry could go see him if he'd like.

Henry was on his feet in an instant, still clutching that bloody blazer like it was Alex himself. Shaann led him back to Alex's room and nodded solemnly before disappearing.

Henry swallowed and pushed the door open.

Alex was there, dressed in a white hospital gown and hooked up to a variety of machines that beeped and chirped every few seconds. His skin was too pale and his breath was too deep. Henry stood there, looking at his lifeless boyfriend, and allowed every emotion he'd suppressed to come roaring out of him in full force. He fell to the floor with his back against the doorframe, and cried. Big, ugly sobs pushed through him in forceful waves.

He thought about his father and how he had been in that same spot––machines keeping him alive if only for a few moments. 

He thought about the future he and Alex had promised each other––one full of huevos rancheros and late nights in the thick of finals season.

Their home and how he could never go back there if Alex didn't wake up. 

Alex's smile in the morning, the one he smiled right before he kissed Henry like it was the only thing he looked forward to. 

His heart which was broken. 

Just like Alex's.

Torn straight through.

Irreparable damage.

Alex, love, do not go where I cannot follow you.