Paper Cranes || Prison Break

The reason why I havent been updating...

Hey guys...

I know it has been a long while since I updated on here or any of my stories. There is a reason to that and I have been coming to terms with it more so in these past two to three months than I have in years.

Long story short, I've been going through a lot mentally and emotionally. I'm depressed and have extreme anxiety along with severe PTSD. Now, it's not something that I like to talk about nor bring forth onto anybody because I hate having to burden people with my problems, however, as I am getting older and maturing and trying so hard to become happy with myself, I'm allowing myself to finally come to terms with everything that has happened to me and try to open up and be honest about my life and journey.

Although I may not speak this openly to you guys, I have spoken to my family and close loved ones about it and I have had to make the hardest decision to not associate with some of those people because I was blamed for what happened to me. It's the worst feeling to go through especially with family and I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this but it doesn't make it any easier or less hurtful.

My sister is the person who has supported me and helped me get away from the things that have made me miserable and that were just plain toxic but unfortunately, it follows no matter where I'm at, what I'm doing, or who I'm with.

Yes, I'm away from the source after over a decade of trauma but it's still something I have to battle with daily and learn to cope with and overcome, especially with the person still being around my family. I have made poor decisions in result to what has happened to me but I don't regret a majority of them because it was my way of coping. There are some things I do regret giving up on though and writing is the main one.

This is my getaway and my source to be myself but I've gave up and lost motivation in doing what I love most. I want to get back to this because it's what makes me happy to be able to share these ideas and stories that come to my mind; to see that there are people out there who also enjoy those too.

With me quitting my job that I was miserable at and still being able to support myself through all my bills and also my dogs and cat, who are my babies, I finally have time to sit down and be to get on here and let you guys know why I haven't been updating even though I have so many drafts just sitting in my works.

The main reason is: want to be able to write something that I'm happy with and share it with you guys without having a doubt of it being poorly written and/or just me getting something posted because I haven't posted in a long time.

Overall, I'm taking time this year in becoming happy and getting back to what I love most. I will be working on writing--whether it be in my works or just a brand new story. I hope you guys can understand and if you somehow stuck around for this long or are just randomly coming across this, I appreciate and am thankful for your patience nonetheless.

THANK YOU!!

--Jocelyn

P.S. I know this is all over the place but I'm literally just writing what I feel and posting it before I overthink and overanalyze anything.