Start Again | Choni

i didn't have to pretend anymore

Cheryl's POV

When I opened my eyes, Toni was sitting beside my bed, her head resting against the wall. My arms were still heavy and hard to move, but I cleared my throat and she jumped in surprise. "Oh my goodness, Cher, thank god you're okay." She said, immediately rushing to hug me. "W-What happened?" I asked, having no recollection of what happened and why I was in hospital. "You don't remember?" She asked, her eyes serious and filled with sadness. "Toni, please, just tell me." She took a big breath, held my hand, and started.

"We were at Veronica's party. At the Pembrooke. She had invited practically the whole school, and some out of town guests. One in particular, Nick St Clair. We were in the kitchen when Veronica and Nick entered, and he introduced himself. I left to find him a drink, because he pushed an empty cup in my hands. I was only gone for a minute or two, and when I returned, you and Nick were nowhere to be seen. I asked around, someone said they saw you leave, but I didn't know where you were. I asked Veronica where he was staying, and she told me he was at the Five Seasons hotel. When I got there, he had you on his bed, and you were..." She couldn't finish, and truth be told, I didn't want to hear the rest of it. We were both crying, whilst trying our best to hold in the tears. "God I'm such an idiot." I said after a while. "No, don't you dare blame yourself. You're not the one to blame, it's that psycho St Clair." She said fiercely, gripping my hand even more tightly. "Woah, Tee-Tee, I'd like to still have a hand." I joked, and she released slightly, but I was touched that she cared so much.

"Ahem..." We both looked up and saw FP standing in the doorway, his hat in his hand and his serious face on. "Miss Blossom, I'm very sorry to hear what happened... but I need to hear your side of the story. Nick St Clair is currently under police custody, his parents are driving up as we speak." I started to panic, my palms going sweaty again. I looked from his eyes to Toni's, and she smiled reassuringly. "It's okay, babe, I'm right here." I nodded. "I-I don't know how much I'll be able to remember." I admitted. He took a seat beside Toni and got his recorder out. "Do you mind? It's just quicker than me scribbling." He said and I nodded. "Where do you want to start?" "Well, first it might help for you to close your eyes. Take yourself back to yesterday evening, back at the Pembrooke. You were standing outside, do you remember?"

I closed my eyes and felt the warm evening breeze, and the vibrations coming from the loud music, spreading from the apartment to the lobby and to the rest of Riverdale. "Yeah, Toni arrived and we went inside together." "That's good, do you know what you were wearing?" I thought hard as I tried to remember choosing my outfit. "I- um- a black dress, yeah it was black. We went to the kitchen to get away from the crowd, there were too many people in the living room and dining room. I had cherry cola, and Toni was drinking water. We were just talking when Veronica and Nick came in."

"That's really good, Cheryl. What else do you remember?" FP prompted. "Um, well, I was thirsty. I had just finished my cola so Nick handed me another one, and I drank most of it in one, and then he said we should get out of there. I don't know what happened after that. All I remember is seeing lights flashing by and I got really cold, but I couldn't move. I think I passed out, and that's it. That's all I remember." I said, looking down, feeling my face go hot. "That's excellent, Cheryl, you did brilliantly. Your chart and the video surveillance we collected provide solid evidence that Nick... that he's guilty, so if you'd like to press charges then you've got an airtight case and we're all behind you." FP left and Toni smiled. "You've got this, I'm so proud of you, babe." "Did you just call me babe? Twice?" I asked, laughing for the first time in a long time. "Maybe I did." She said with a sweet smile.

I was about to say something when Hermione knocked gently on the door and entered, carrying a small bouquet of red tulips. "Hi, Cheryl, I'm so sorry." She said. "It's not your fault." I said and I meant it. "Do you want to stay?" I offered. "No, I've got to get back, but you rest up, and I'll come back tomorrow when you can get released." She handed me the flowers with a smile before leaving. For a fleeting moment, I imagined my mom, and I thought about whether she had loved me enough to give flowers. Tulips were my favourite, besides roses, and especially in red.

"Hey, babe, what's going on?" Toni interrupted my thoughts. I bit my lip but, although she didn't say anything, she was expecting me to continue. "You were right, Tee-Tee, the other day, when you asked me about the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. My mother sent me there for conversion therapy, because I was apparently exhibiting 'deviant behaviour'. I was a loveless monster, and I needed to be taught a lesson. It was at that point that I realised she didn't love me as I thought she had. It was awful, Toni, and I was told that everything was wrong. Liking another woman was wrong, I should be punished for having such feelings. I had to suppress who I was and how I felt. And now, I'm more confused than ever. I-I like you, Toni, a lot. But it's wrong, and I know it is, and I don't know what to do." I confessed, turning away from her. I was embarrassed, but she wasn't.

"Cheryl, Cheryl, please look at me." She said softly. Her hands gently turned my face so I was looking into her eyes. "You have to know your mother's wrong. You're not loveless, you're not deviant, okay? You're sensational." The look in her eyes told me one thing. She meant every word. Pushing away every instinct that was telling me to fight the feeling, I leant in slowly, closing my eyes, until our lips connected. She didn't push away. Instead, she deepened the kiss and cupped my face with her hands, brushing away my hair as we broke apart for air. I didn't know what to do, or what to say. I was speechless, worried that I'd screwed things up again.

"That was wonderful, Cher." And all my fears melted away. I didn't have to pretend anymore. I could finally be me.