forget~fack

15

hey everyone! i usually don't write authors notes but i just wanted to say sorry for not posting updates for a bit, holidays were crazy but i'm back now and working on it! thank you all for your support. enjoy the chapter.

so it's been a while since jack has been there. i've tried my hardest to stay strong but i started smoking to ease the pain. i used to hate people that smoked but i just don't care anymore. as long as it fills this hole inside. jack has been there three months. he's remembered his entire family but they're keeping him there to get him to remember how to be a normal member of society or something like that. i hope he'll be discharged soon. i still visit. they actually have birds there that the patients can interact with because it's therapeutic. they named jack the official caretaker since he loves them so much. they're zebra finches named tweet and twoot. yeah the names suck.
i'm on my way to see jack. i covered up my eye bags with some foundation and change clothes to look presentable then head out. i don't drive anymore since it freaks me out. i just walk.
it takes 45 minutes to get there but i made it. the lobby ladies let me go through without a word after i sign in. i walk down to his room 307 and knock on the door. they have to be kept open so jack sees me when he looks up from his book. he welcomes me in. it's been a little less awkward since i come every day but that lingering uncomfortable feeling since he doesn't remember me. we haven't even made physical contact all these months, but we talk. he likes to talk about the birds and his family a lot. it makes me happier seeing how happy he is to have remembered his family. i'm still puzzled with how it works. his memory just restored, he didn't have to replace anything.
today he's reading a percy jackson book.
"hey finn, come on in." he says as he bookmarks his book and sets it down. he smiles beautifully at me. i sit down on the bed next to him.
"hey jack, how are you?"
"good, grandma came to see me earlier so that was cool. also they're serving pizza in the cafeteria so that's epic"
he giggles and i smile genuinely.
"do you want to go to the common room?" i ask. he smiles and nods. the common room is where all the activities are like the tv, radio, board games and chalkboards. we walk down the halls until we get to the boys common room. they have to be separated from the girls for.. reasons, i guess? there's a little boy dancing to music who looks around 8 or 9. jack raises a hand to greet him and the boy nods in his direction. jack goes to sit down and i open the cupboards to get a board game. i settle on checkers (a classic) and carry it over to the table. it's disney princess edition so the pieces are sleeping beauty and cinderella. it has to be kid friendly here i guess. jack opens the box and picks up all the sleeping beauty pieces.
"dibs on these ones. she's the best princess."
i usually try to avoid these topics but the question just pops out.
"do you remember the movies?"
jack is clearly taken aback by the question but he answers anyways.
"they play them here all the time, they bring us all together for movie time so the girls usually get to pick. i like the older ones most."
i nod and collect the cinderella pieces. we're sitting across from each other criss cross since the seats are all on one side. we start to play and me, being the checkers master i am, go easy on him. we get a few minutes into the game when the radio changes songs. "YMCA" by village people. i start to ease into deep thought, remembering our night at the ymca. it hurts to think about it but my brain can't help from going anywhere else.
"finn? finn! it's your turn, hello?"
jacks words snap me out of it and i look over at him.
"oh sorry sorry." i quickly move one of my pieces and stand up.
"where are you going?" jack asks, startled by my quick movement.
"i just need to smoke. ill only be a second."
i couldn't help but be up front about it. jack looks shocked but all i can think about now is getting some relief. i turn around and feel someone grab my arm. i turn around and it's jack, pulling me back.
"don't smoke! you smoke??" he asks
i forget he doesn't know. i just assumed he figured since i always smelled like it. i slowly sit back down as not to get him more upset. they'll send me home if i do.
"i'm sorry jack i thought you knew. i just started recently."
he looks hurt. i slump back into the seat and sigh. it's hard. jack stays silent.
"i'm sorry i just...
a while ago, you and me had a day on the town, we had a ton of fun, and i was just.. so happy. i hate to bring it up but i.. if i can't smoke i just need to talk. i try not to act dramatic but that song, that damn song just.. we ended the night on the roof of a ymca, a building and i was just reminded of it."
we both are quiet, i just hear the dancing kid. i don't dare look up at him, that's just too embarrassing. he's let go of my arm already.

minutes pass. i should apologize again and just leave.
"i'm sorry jack i'll just go, uh see you tomorrow i guess."
i reach over to collect my stuff, which is just a bag of knick knacks but whatever. i'm awakened by jack putting his hand on my leg. i look up in shock.
"jack what are-"
he looks awestruck as he interrupts me.
"finn.. i..

i remember it"