lowercase intended
will's pov
the day we left changed my life forever. mostly because i hated leaving him.
"he" was a tall dark haired boy with a smile that could break my heart a million times over yet i'd still kill to see it just one more time.
i watched the trees as we rode away, certainly not for the last time, but in that moment, all hope had faded. my feelings, however, did not.
i knew i'd see him again. when, i did not know. soon? maybe.
diving away from all of it felt... bad. i had never admired the town before, never taking into account the real beauty it actually had. how much i'd give just to stay one more day.
mike's pov
it was hard watching El leave. but it was harder to watch will leave.
all the moments we shared together came flooding back at that moment. a single tear rolled down my cheek. it was too much. i wiped the tear off my face and grabbed my bike, riding back to my house as fast as i could. on the way there, i sobbed my eyes out. my hands shook on the handlebars. what would life be like without my best friend? 17 hours away. 914 miles. millions of tears.
i pulled my bike into the garage and dropped it onto the pavement. upon opening the door to the basement, i noticed a corner of paper sticking out of the bottom of the door. i grabbed it. it was a note. 'to mike' it read on one side. i flipped it over.
mike.
if you are reading this right now, it means i'm already gone. not forever. don't worry. i'm currently writing this at 2 am, i have to leave in seven hours. who knew, huh? all these years, laughing, smiling, crying. down to seven hours left. seven more hours until i won't laugh, smile, or cry the same ever again. i won't get to see my best friend every day. biking to school where we would chill in the av room with the small amount of sophomore benefits. aka we got free la croix from the teacher's lounge. i remember the first time we stepped foot in that room. it was absolutely hideous. there was dust everywhere and spiderwebs in every corner. we looked at each other and just laughed. we fell to the ground, laughing our asses off. max, lucas and dustin looked at us like new were crazy. we were. and we always will be.
crazy together. that was the first time i've ever felt strong. i know that whenever i feel like giving up, when i feel like killing myself, you'll always be there. you will always be there. but now, you. won't. not physically. but you will. you'll be the moon, to guide me at night and the sun by day. you'll be the light to guide me back to my dreams. i remember the day where we fought about what shines brighter; the sun or the moon. after 45 minutes of each of us yelling, i realized it. there is no comparison. they each shine when it is their time. you looked at me straight in the eyes and told me that i was exactly right. you hugged me. and i hugged you. that is you. you shine equally bright all the time, in my mind. i hope i can be your moon, your sun, and all of your stars. and maybe one day, you'll come visit me in maine. we can ride our bikes through the busy streets and walk into a cramped ice cream shop and lie down on a field. we'll daydream about the dreams we'll have at night and eat the grass like we did when we were little kids. i'll probably throw up and you'll probably laugh. god, i'm crying. we'll watch as the sun sets and the moon gets ready to rise. it'll shine, and it'll shine equally as bright as the sun. the stars, however, have always been my favorite. you know how when you do something amazing. something you're proud of. something you'd like to share with others. well, if i have any life experience at all, i know that doing something enough to be proud of, i'll be tired. yet the stars continue to shine. when stars shine as much as they do, they've done something amazing. the next night, they won't shine as much. they're giving themselves time to do something else amazing. we all need time. i needed time to realize my own strength, my own worth. you needed time to understand yourself. let me know if you ever do.
you will never be my stars. you are your own stars. you will lie as close as the sun or the moon feels, you will shine when i look up. i'll never have to search for you in the night sky. you'll always be there, telling me not to give up. you are the sun and you are the moon because without you, the world would stop turning. oh, but with me, you could survive. but what would i do without you? without my sun? without my moon? that isn't something i'll worry about right now. well, i hope you're doing ok. i'll always be here. your sun, moon, and even your stars, if you'd like.
-will
my face was soaked with tears. my best friend is gone. he's really gone. i can't wait until i see him again. but that's just it. he's my best friend. but is he? is he really just my best friend? or do i wish he was something more? no, of course not. i wiped the tears off my cheeks and ran up the stairs to my room. i got a piece of tape and stuck it to the top of the note. i walked to the side of my bed. and stuck it to the wall. i sat there for a minute and read it over once, two more times. then, i knew what i had to do.
i got up and walked to my desk, cluttered with all the drawings will had ever given me. i loved all of them more than my life. i cleared a small area in the middle and set down a sheet of paper. on one side, i wrote 'my sun'. on the other, well, this is what i wrote.
will.
it's already awful here without you. i taped your note to my wall. it gives me hope. maybe mine can give you some hope, too.
by the time you receive this, it will probably be next week. in that case, i'm sure school is a living hell. you made it so much better than it was. the av room will never be the same. maybe it'll be less neat, now that you're gone. you were always the cleanest out of all of us. i'm sorry i didn't thank you. maybe now is a good time to do it.
so... thank you. for everything. thank you for being my light in the darkness. my guide. my sun. my moon. all of my stars. thank you for never giving up, even when it feels like the world is collapsing in on us, and our hearts simply cannot continue the impossible journey they were set on a time ago. you were always good at that. continuing the journey. you were always the strongest. and you may think that's el, but no. you are the strongest one out of all of us. thank you for that. thank you for having fortitude, grace, and willingness. thank you for your constant beautiful reassurance. thank you for telling me that it will be okay.
because, will, it will be okay. the sun must be exhausted, rising every day, only to disappear back at night so that the moon can shine the brightest and the stars can shine the brightest for other galaxies. that's always been something i've wanted to do. stargaze. we can look for cassiopeia and orion's belt, and every zodiac constellation. you're an aries, did you know that? i'm sure you did. aries. ruled by mars. in other words, you're a warrior. a fierce, fiery warrior. you'll never give up just because of someone's beliefs. you don't know how honored i am to be your best friend.
my hand hovered over the paper for a second, the tip of the pencil slightly shaking. i shook my head and continued.
remember your thirteenth birthday? i got you that plant. the one with tiny leaves that we used to have in our kindergarten classroom and you used to pick the leaves off of it and eat them? those were good times. so i got you that plant to tease you. and you never ate one leaf off of it. you never wanted it to die. you loved that plant. you named it neil, do you remember that? i do. you kept thanking me for it. well, i hope to see you again, my warrior.
-your moon
i picked up the pencil from the paper and set it back down on the table. after reading it, i placed it in an envelope and wrote our addresses on it. i ran down to my bike as fast as i could and rode to the post office. after stamping it and everything, i realized i didn't ask will to say hello to eleven for me in the letter. i brushed it off and decided that i would just call him when they got to their new house.
their new house.
so long, so long a time they had lived in that house. so many laughs, smiles, and tears lived in those walls, all things that we could never get back. it was ok though. i tried to reassure myself the way will always did, but it didn't work, so instead, i stepped outside. there he was.
directly in front of me, low in the sky, surrounded by pink and orange clouds. my sun. i smiled. he was right. i would always be with him and he would always be with me. it would never be the same as it was before, but we cannot go back now. it's different now. so instead, i followed him until i reached my home. i sighed before stepping inside, seeing my family there. all except him.
