Everything has become so hard. Even the simple task of going to school has become so physically and emotionally draining that I can barely make it through the day. I sit through every class unable to hear the words of my teachers, over the sound of the voices in my head. Most people come to school and learn math, science, or history. Instead, I come home from a long day at school having learned only the same lessons I've learned a thousand times, that I am disgustingly fat, ugly, worthless, and that that's all I'll ever be. It's like my disordered thoughts are my teachers, measuring my success in calories and pounds rather than numbers, and in this sick and twisted version of school anything higher than a zero is failing. I see the world in black and white, going from one extreme to another. There's no grey area for me, there never has been. And it's for that very reason that I will never be good enough for my own standards.
l.d.w
