Lost

Jungkook

I'm glad Yoongi is finally getting what he deserves but I kinda wish that he was still "my little secret," if I can't have the joy that used to come with preforming, then can I have him? Can he stay with me and only me? I know that's selfish but people won't treat him right. I know they won't and it's painful to know. Even if a few people treat him well then, they'll demand something unrealistic from him. I know the pain game brings. And when you're already in pain it's like rubbing salt on an open wound.

"Jungkook focus, it goes ba ba ba..ba ba. Not ba ba be. Ba. Ba," Hoseok frustratedly explains the dance. His eyes piercing mine as he dances. He moves as smooth as freshly pressed silk.

"I'm sorry sir," his gaze doesn't fall. Watching my every move. Making sure everything is one beat- no making sure I can control the beat with my dancing.

"Body roll not hip thrusts," he scolds, already impatient with all the mistakes I've made. I need to focus. I can't think about anything else but dancing. I need to focus. Focus on dancing, focus. I can't think of Yoongi right now! No matter how soft and kissable his lips are. Or how he clutches onto my waist when he doesn't want me to leave. Damn it.

***
"What's up with You? You messed more than NamJoon trying to do the dances after one time watching," Seokjin tells me. We go two to a car. NamJoon isn't a bad dancer but he watches Hoseok go through the dance once and thinks he knows it by heart then ends up fucking it all up.

"I-I don't know, I'm gonna practice later though. I hope I can fix this- whatever this is," I run my hands through my hair which is still hot and sweaty as we drive back to the dorm. The drive isn't too long and we'll probably stop and get food on the way.

"Don't push yourself," He grabs my hand squeezing it as he's seen Yoongi do. Though that more comforts him than me, the thought of Jin trying to cheer me up is enough. Enough to make me cry and break down. Enough to comfort me. I don't realize the tears streaming down my face until Jin wipes some away and pulls me into a hug. The driver pulls the divider down to give us privacy.

"Hyung I- I just don't know anymore," I cry into the uncontrollable denim jacket that rests on his shoulders.

"What don't you know?"

"Is it really worth it anymore? Is preforming worth it? Is singing worth it? Why can't I be happy Hyung? Why is it so wrong for us to do things and be with people who make us happy?"

"Jungkook, you can," rubbing my back as he whispers lightly, rocking us side to side.

"No, I can't," I push away from the warmth and comfort of my Hyung. "I can't, it's not against the rules but still I can't,"