Vent

i just make everyone happy

I guess I'm scared of everything

Always have been

I guess I've never had someone who checked up on me

When ever I cut the night before

Like i just self harmed right know

And the friends I have now

Won't even care

But I'm afraid of lots of things

And I wish I had an online friend to talk to me

every single day

7 days a week

For the next year's to come

Well until

I become better

But I loss hope easily

Cause no one cares about me

Or to the fact that I just carved into my left forearm the words 'FAT'

Nor do they care that I am slowly not eating as much as I used too

Or to the fact that I'm taking longer in the restroom because I'm puking, self harming, or looking in the mirror to point out all the fat that I see in my self

Everyone says that I'm skinny but I know that's a lie

I am 137 pounds

Do they really think that I'll believe them

But no matter what I always find a way to keep them in good spirits

or to make sure that I tell them the things that I always wanted to hear

Such as

'Im here for you'

'i won't tell anyone'

'are you okay'

' I will help you'

'i care about you'

'i love you'

' Don't worry, you can cry I wont tell anyone. okay?'

'please don't cut'

' don't die. Okay'

' you want to talk?'

' I'll be there for you '

' I'll save you'

But no matter where I go I will always be the one

13 year old girl with a fake smile

that makes everyone happy

Even though no one does that for me