Banking on Billion

Should I stay or should I go?

I stormed through the mall, I was furious, I had been telling J time after time the light bill was due. I had already been through so much in the past week, I did not have time for this shit. The last thing I wanted to walk into coming home from this doctor appointment was no lights. Not that I needed any, all I longed to do was lay in bed and cry. Honestly. I was fed up, I was tired. Every side chick of J's some how magically got pregnant easily and the sad part? They weren't even supposed to ... they weren't even trying. After multiple apologies from JB making babies on me, aborted or not the shit hurt. It was always supposed to be me !
I hopped in the car still deep in thought as I waited for J himself, who dragged behind in guilt after I went off once I found out about the bill. How were they able to willingly just fuck my man and luck up pregnant ? But me , trying.. calling myself J's freak. Letting this man fuck me faithfully raw, bussing in me multiple times a day ...could never succeed ? I felt broken. Who was I? Is this why my man needed the others? "Man unlock my fucking door" J shouted as he tapped heavily on the window. I looked up slowly out of thought, I guess he was supposed to be scaring some one but I was beyond the fear tactics. I knew him like the back of my hand. He had become a coward. A coward I once loved. I just stared at him through the window blankly. I was pissed and he was pushing it. I was now more pissed because the door was never intentionally locked so why was this son of a bitch beating on this car windows yelling like this?? The man I stared at just wasn't the man I fell in love with 4 years ago.

I was exhausted.

I let him tap once more "bit- Asi open the door mane my shoes getting wet, bro you do too much" I giggled and pressed the unlock button, the bitch shit didn't even bother me no more. He wasn't even worthy enough to hurt my feelings. He jumped in the car and as if I was a joke started out with laughter "you gon get enough of the brat ass baby shit you do you a grown ass woman pay your own bills!" and just that quick I flew off the rip .
"BITCH I'd pay my own bills when you get your broke, sorry, no excuse of a man OUT MY HOUSE ! I can do this shit on my own , I'm grown. I'm a smart girl. You wanna be something you're not. Balling but can't even make sure the house you call yourself laying up in is good? Bills? Bitch I cook, clean, and now I'm steady battling losing your babies back to back because of the hurt and stress you constantly drag me through! Not to mention I got my own money always, never a broke bitch" I screamed "I hate you!" I pointed all in his face. Emphasizing words with the tip of my acrylics against his forehead right before he grabbed my arm "aye mane getcho hands out my face Asiani, I done told you about that shit. I'm yo man you gotta respect me or I'm out. You see where we leaving from ? I know you hurt about the baby, I'mma give you another one it's nothing. We at the mall I was gon buy you some new bags, shoes, jeans, all that what you need a car? I told you it's nothing you tripping over a fucking bill when I buy you everything and anything, I just forgot! I was out late and it slipped my mind. Shake the fuck back, this shit here is why I don't be happy at home with you . This shit here is how shit get physical. You come with too much bitching!" J said looking back backing out the parking lot. Sweat beaded across the rim of his lip. For a second he had me questioning myself but then I realized quickly his regular manipulation tactics were creeping in. "Nigga give me another one? Wow . So when is the last time you got me "any and everything?" I chuckled throwing up two fingers repeating his statement. "Remember you been stopped that shit. Your mind has been in a whole different space and I'm through with you, I'm so sick of arguing with yo dumb ass. I done told you I noticed a few months back. You throw in that spoiling shit any time you feeling guilty. All that shit is words and even when there is action behind it, it ain't even what I need. Nigga your bringing me to the mall after I done had a second, not the first miscarriage carrying YOUR child in the last year is not playa. It's evident it's my environment. It's you, it's fucking YOU JB!!! This shit maxed" I said firmly and waved him off as I stared out the window
"Mane..." was all he could say as we approached the exit toward our house.