Love lost: Idenity won

The rain without the sun that follows

I woke up thinking that i didn't want to go to school. But since i didn't live with my parents, there was no way to guilt trip them into letting me stay home. My guardians were not the kind to let such a thing happen. My heart was heavy at the thought of seeing him. At home i could pretend but not at school. School meant memories, school meant him.

I walked over to my best friend Mae. She was all I had right now besides my other friends and my dad. Quick background about my family. We were not close at all. It had been that way for as long as i could remember. My dad had a problem with spending money on bad things instead of taking care of his daughter. Plus, he married a women who had a son of her own. She was the only mom I ever had since mine left when i was 4 but sometimes she could be so mean. She was so hard on me. See, the situation was that her son, my step-brother, he was the popular kid and well, I was the outcast. The thing was though, that I was the outcast because he made me that way.

Mae knew what was about to happen so she stretched out her arms to hold me. I let few to many tears slip in that moment. I asked her all the questions that I was thinking. "How can you love someone one day and not love them the next?" "How can he throw away and entire year?" "Mae, I just don't understand!" My teacher, Mrs. Lavign looked around the corner and saw me. "You cry for one minute dear, (for that's all a boy deserves), then you dont cry at all". That made me think. I looked up and wiped my tears and I even laughed. Not a hearty, true kind of laugh but the kind of laugh that is just enough to make the tears stop. "I'll see you later Mae" I said as I walked into class. In this class, physical science, I had a friend named Wade. Wade and I dated in the 8th grade and I knew he still liked me, but he supressed it and so, we were friends. He made me laugh more as class went on and when the bell rang we exchanged goodbyes and I prepared myself to walk down that bus lane (past our old spot) looking strong and not bothered at all. I walked to my bus saying few hellos but thinking "Man, this really hurts". What would happen when I got home today? What would happen when I was by myself, thinking?