Returns: a collection of self

Closure (閉鎖)

"Closure is a joke. The only apology you need is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did. The only conversation you need to have and the only person you need to see again is the person in the mirror. Look at yourself and say "You know what? I fucked up. My worth is more than that." That's your closure. You can't keep dancing with the devil when you're already in hell." A quote from an unknown source, reasoning unknown as well. Reading that to myself, I felt different. I sit my bed and look up from my phone to see myself, a reflection from the mirror on my wardrobe, and what I perceive from looking at myself isn't what I saw just yesterday. I saw someone that has made mistakes that I can't go back and fix. I saw someone who has hurt so many people and left marks that possibly can never heal again. But looking at myself now, all I see is a person who still has a whole life ahead of him. Yes, mistakes are gonna be made along the way, major and minor, but they don't make who I am as a person. Truth is...I'm never going to find that closure within myself. I'm not satisfied with who I am or the things I've done. I'm very much the opposite of all that. That honest closure hasn't come yet, and it won't come to me for a very long time. I understand that now, and I'm at peace with the idea of it. Ironic right? Closure in not finding closure. Almost cancels out if you think about it. I'm overthinking again. Maybe it's about time that I find peace in drowning.