Hostile || Cal Kestis

07 | A Fulfilled Devotion

"if you do not love me, i shall not be loved, if i do not love you, i shall not love." – Samuel Beckett

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He couldn't sleep. It seemed that the fatigue from the day had dissipated into the darkness, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It was only when the sounds around him began to fade and his thoughts were drowning in exhaustion that he could feel sleep greet him.

There was a creak.

He reached out to the Force, using it to feel his surroundings. Someone was standing in the doorway, he suspected it was Trilla. He could sense her power, and her absence in Cere's room. He kept his eyes shut. If she wanted to talk about what had happened, she could wait until the morning – he despised the bitterness he felt towards her, but it was there nonetheless.

He heard her footsteps as they neared the bed. A long silence followed. Perhaps she was debating waking him, he thought. But to his surprise, he felt her lie onto the bed beside him. Her body never touching his, that didn't stop his heartbeat race in response to her bold action.

Trilla's fingers stretched towards his face, delicate as they traced the scar over the bridge of his nose. Fleeting images of the blaster that seared his skin were soothed by the cool touch of her skin. He remained still, attempting to keep his breaths even as her touch turned to the scar that cut across his jaw and onto his neck. The bitterness he felt had quieted with the stroke of her fingers, soothed with tranquillity.

"You should be resting," he murmured.

Her fingers froze, pulling slightly away from his skin. He shifted, turning onto his shoulder to face her and saw shock and embarrassment displayed on her face as she withdrew her hand. He reached out, gently grasping onto her hand and returning her touch to the side of his face.

"Don't stop on my account."

She was hesitant but returned to tracing his scars. He watched her captivatedly, entranced by her in the darkness. He could see her vulnerability unfold, the same as when she had called out for him in the medical facility, again when she had first kissed him and, now. It was like there was no ending to how far she could feel, all masked behind a shroud of pain and suffering she had received at the hands of the Empire.

"How did you get them?" She asked softly.

He took a small breath as he recalled the memory. "Clone Troopers. They betrayed us, me and my Master... He died saving me."

There was a heavy pause.

"I'm sorry," she whispered thickly.

The words felt heavy in the air and he understood how difficult it must've been for her to say them. It wasn't just a simple condolence. It was an apology for the things she had done for the Empire – for hunting him like those Clone Troopers had.

Her palm had warmed against his skin, her fingers slipped into his auburn hair following it down to his neck, then they traced his jawline. They moved up his chin, her thumb stopping at the corner of his lips. Her eyes lingered on them, something of a sad smile tugging on her own. She let out a small sigh, meeting his gaze with furrowed brows.

"She likes you." Cal looked at her, puzzled by her words. "The witch. I can see it from the way she talks about you."

He was stunned by her words. Merrin? He didn't think – it couldn't be true. They were friends, she had even said so herself. And even more, she had spoken to Trilla?

He shook his head. "No. She's just a friend."

She chuckled lightly at his denial. "Don't be so short-sighted Padawan. I know what she feels... Because I recognise it." There was a long pause and her expression turning solemn. "She would be good to you, Cal Kestis. Someone worthy of your devotion."

His brows furrowed.

"You aren't?" He asked, bothered by her insinuation.

"No," she said candidly, as she pulled her hand from his face. "No, I don't think I am."

Where did all this come from? She didn't seem like the same person who stayed silent when he questioned her. His thoughts led back to her talking to Greez. His mind assessed her words, the solemn expression and her actions. They all seemed to say goodbye.

"You're leaving," he accused. His tone was half-questioning, only so that she could deny it.

The guilt that hardened onto her expression confirmed his guess. He pulled back from her, his brows furrowing in thought, unable to understand why she was so adamant on leaving. He looked away from her debating his words and unsuccessfully trying to order his erratic thoughts.

"Why?" He didn't even try to mask his hurt as he asked.

She didn't answer, her expression torn with hurt as she looked away.

Did she think that he would just move on without her? That he somehow deserved someone other than her, when in truth, he wanted no one else more than her. He couldn't find the words, as though there were no words in all the languages that could emphasize what he felt for her.

He leaned across, capturing her lips with his. It wasn't heated with frustration or desperate longing, instead it was slow and careful. Trying to express his emotions to her, yearning for her to understand his desperate desire to find his place in the galaxy. And for her to understand that he had found it here, with her.

They moved in unison, her hands traveling up his back as he shifted to lean over her body. Before she could pull away, he did. His fingers softly brushed aside strands of hair from her face before returning to the side of her face.

"There is no one else in the galaxy I want, but you. You don't think you're worthy of my devotion?" He swallowed back the rush of emotion as he gazed down at her. "Then there is nothing more I would like to do then spend the rest of my life proving to you that you are." Her eyes glistened with tears and he saw her bite her lip to keep them at bay. "Just stay with me."

"If I stay, he'll find you," she countered. "And kill us all."

"If you stay, we can get through this together," he offered confidently. "They won't find us."

She swallowed, fear flooding her expression. Her voice dropping into a deadly whisper, "He won't stop."

He laced his hands through hers, squeezing it gently. His voice strengthened with resolve. "Neither will we."

Her features drowned in conflict, her words slow as she spoke. "It won't be easy."

His heart wavered at her reluctant surrender. "It never is."

She waited, her eyes flitting between his. "It might take forever to prove me wrong," she said lightly with a smile, attempting to dissuade him.

He shook his head with a smile. "You can't change my mind Trilla Suduri."

There was a long moment of deliberation before, "Then I'm not going anywhere, Cal Kestis."

THE END.