The cold wind raised the goose bumps on my arm. I saw him. I was sure of it. There was just to much going on to actually acknowledge him. I mean, i wanted to tell him, but with his death stare and pure black eyes,I was sure I would faulter.
School is just starting so i should have a lot of time. I can tell him mid-fall when the leaves are blowing and he cant really see my obvious expresions. Maybe even in Winter when it will be to cold out for him to even pay attention to my words. But spring, the season of bad memories. The unforgettable events, the rush in my heart,the fear surging through my veins. It's just to much to re-live. He will never talk to me again. So, it doesnt matter when I tell him, he won't listen anyways. I feel the burning of the tears screaming to be free from my eyes and run down my frost bitten face, but I wont let them. I'm in control, and no matter what happens I have to be able to pull myself together.
But It Is So Hard!
I don't love him and I never will. I'm just not into the whole dark, gothic look. There are some features of his that have the potential to be attractive, like his disorganized golden auburn hair or his defined cheeks. But that very little beauty fades once you look into his solid black eyes. It's like looking into the night sky withno stars or moon to guide you. You just stare into blankness. The darkness from his eyes engulf you into a placewhere misery thrives, making you speechless. Even with all of this i still dated him and loved him. i can never explain why I did, maybe it was just the moment,the way he held me in his arms, the rose buds trying to peer through their little shelter just to see the drama. As he bent down to the side of my neck and kissed it, then pushing my
long brunette hair aside and making his way up to my ear lobe as though he may he eat it. His cool breath filled my insides as he whispired, "I'm not good enough for you, you know. You deserve better." I guess I was angered by this thought and argued back, he was good enough for me, in fact he was perfect for me. Why would he even think this, wasn there another girl? He pretended to ignore me as if hhe was oblivious to my words that over flowed out of mouth and practically fell on the floor right in front of us. He continued to rub his cool lips against my skin coming up to
my face ever so frequently to steal a few kisses. I had to put an end to this, he just said how he was not perfect for me yet he keeps seducing me with his breath
I pushed him hard off my body, this time looking it straight in into those deep dark pools of blackness. I didn't care anymore. I love him and thats all that matters does he not realize it?
"What's wrong with you. How could you tell me that you don't deserve me and still be able to kiss me?" i said my voice raising to nearly a screech.
He looked at me, no not just looked at me stared into me, like he can read every god damned forsakin' thought I had in my head. As if he can see my blood flow though my viens and back to the heart.
"I kiss you because I love you, I hold you because I want to protect you, I'm still with you because I can't help it" he exaggerated the last few words. I CAN'T HELP IT. What does that even mean he can't help it? He spaeks as if i'm like a drug, something he can never let go because he has had so much of me that he has become addicted to me.
"YOU CAN'T HELP IT! What is that suppose to mean?" I was so done with this after al those I love you's and kisses it came down to this.
"It means that I can't help it." He said calmly. His face turning from softness to hard. The gorgeouse soft Christian that I thought I knew dissappeared with in seconds. He took a step closer, I didn't move I had to be strong I am not two anymore where i will flinch for every little thing that comes at me. His left arm wrapping around my waist, where it was meant to be and his right cupping my face in his hand warm palm. My body went rigid from his touch.
" Sarah, I love you. You do know that, right? I will never let anything hurt you." His lips move to mine
ever so slowly. "You are mine and nothing can stop that" he pushed my lips apart. And the funny thing is I didn't stop him. I truly believed him. I let his lips carress mine as his tongue forced mine join his. his cool breath filled my lungs with a sudden chill. I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't stop. His body was just to perfect against mine. we were two puzzle pieces that just clicked together.
I stopped not knowing why, but feeling like i had to. Christian paused in confusion. he tilted his head slightly to look me in the eyes. I shook my head and turned to leave.What was i even doing there, I should be home studying for my science test that I have tomorrow. Before I could even cross the street, there he was waiting on theother side for me. His features gone dark. he looked more scary than anything I have ever seen. Should I walk or do I continue to stand here like an idiot staring into space. How in the world did he get across the street faster than I did? I walked slowly trying to push my confused thoughts away.
I stepped up onto the concrete and looked at his defined chest. The muscle pushing against his tight blacktee. Why does he even wear a shirt for with a body like that? he took my hand in his. pushed my face up to look at him. My body was filled with little butterflies ready to burst out of their cocoons.
And then it was over. Everything went pitch black.
