Softer Side

Chapter eighteen

"Once again, that was amazing" I breath out, placing my hand on my forehead as I lay beside Niall, trying to catch my breath. I turn my head to look at him, giggling softly as he ran his hand through his brunette hair with a wide smile on his lips whilst looking pretty pleased with himself. He nodded in response, breathing out as I slowly sat up, sliding on my underwear and pulling on a pair of baggy grey tracksuit bottoms, rolling the waistband down to sit on my hips along with a white cropped vest and no bra, wanting to be comfortable. I ran a hand through my hair with a smile, handing Niall his Calvin Klien boxers as he smiled in thanks.

I step out of the room, walking into the kitchen with a soft smile, standing at the fridge after checking the time, deciding it was slightly too early for a glass of wine. I head back to the living room, switching on the television to see Ed Sheeran playing, causing a smile to erupt onto my face as I sat on the arm of the chair, listening to his voice radiate through my flat. I had always been a fan of his, since he first started making music and I was still yet to meet him.

I look up, hearing footsteps padding through my hallway to see Niall coming into the room in his tracksuit bottoms and no shirt. His right arm was on the door frame as he looked at me, smiling softly before making the decision to walk over, planting a gentle kiss to my lips. I look at my phone as it vibrates, seeing a message from Harry asking if he could keep Ariella for another night and that he would take her to nursery for me the following morning. I reply that it was fine and to give her a cuddle from me, simply receiving a thumbs up emoji back.

I hum softly, turning my eyes to find the Irishman stood at my kitchen window, watching the world fly past my window with a glass of water in his hands. It was silence, but a comfortable silence. Nothing ever felt awkward with him.

~~~~~~~

"Soph that was amazing" he hums, placing his hands on his stomach that now was covered by a black Nike t shirt. "I honestly think that was the nicest stir fry I've had in a long time" he hums as I blush, lifting the plate form before him as his hand touches mine quickly, stopping my movements. My eyes lifted to look into his as he gave me a lopsided smile, his left side curving up into a smile. "Let me darlin', you cooked it" he says softly as I nod slowly, leaning down to kiss his cheek gently.

He stood up, heading to the sink to begin washing up, pouring the washing up liquid into the hot water and grabbing the sponge. I stood beside him, placing my left hand on his lower back before starting to dry up beside him, nudging him with my hip with a giggle, looking up at him as he smirks softy, bumping me back. I place the plate I was holding back into the cupboard, humming along to the next song on the television as I did so.

He hummed along too, wiggling his hips which earned a laugh from me, finishing up the last pot and handing it to me, which I dried and placed away. "So uh, Harry's got Ariella again tonight so if you want to stay, you can..." I start before widening my eyes. "I mean, I don't want to go overboard" I quickly follow with as he smiles that beautiful smile, looking down at my body before him.

"I'd love to" he says softly as he presses a soft kiss to my forehead before heading to the bathroom to use the toilet. I smile softly, grabbing two glasses from the cupboard whilst swaying softly as I open the fridge door to pull out the bottle of white wine, opening the lid as I turned around to pour it. I carry them to the living room, setting them down on the table before tucking my feet underneath me and grabbing the television remote, putting on a film as Niall walks back in.

"I got you a glass" I say softly, nodding to the glass of wine as he thanks me. I giggle softly, laying my legs on his lap as he patted them, placing his hands on top of them before rubbing them gently.

"What film are we watching then?" he smiles as I feel a blush rise to my cheeks. I had always been a child at heart, and Disney films had always been my favourites. Whenever I was poorly, I would watch one. Whenever I was sad, I would watch one. Whenever I was happy, I would watch one.

"Uh-" I start before smiling down at my glass of wine. "Lady and the Tramp" I say softly as he smiles, squeezing my knee gently causing me to look up at him. A smile crept on my lips as I turned my head to look at the screen, smiling softly to myself.

~~~~~~~

I lift my head from my phone when I hear a sigh come from the other end of the sofa where Niall was sat. I raise my eyebrows, looking down at my phone when he says nothing, almost insinuating to me that he wasn't upset about anything. Maybe he was just simply breathing. I lift my head again though when he moved my legs, standing up and heading into the kitchen out of nowhere. "Niall what's wrong?" I say softly as he sighs, placing his hands down on the worktop out of nowhere.

"I've just been thinking and I can't do this anymore" he grumbles, running his hand through his hair as he takes the same position by the window that he had earlier. "I was thinking it earlier when I was stood here, but I wanted to give it one more small chance but I just really can't" he says quietly, looking at the cars below us.

My eyebrows furrow as I look over the back of the sofa at him, biting my lower lip. "Why? What did I do? Have I done something wrong when we were in bed earlier?" I say quietly, instantly feeling embarrassed that maybe I did something wrong or wasn't pleasing him in the right way anymore. Niall shakes his head, letting a loud groan leave his lips.

"Shit, why do you do this to me" he mumbles, his accent thick from being so worked up and now irritated, leaving me confused as to what was going through such a gentle and happy mind. "Soph, I don't know" he mumbles as I shake my head, encouraging him to tell me.

"Niall, I need to know what's wrong" I say softly, slowly standing and making my way to him, slowly walking around the worktop in the kitchen as he turned around to look down at his feet.

"I'm in love with you" he whispers as my heart and body both stop at the same time. My breath hitched in my throat as my eyes widened. This is not what I thought was going to happen. I wasn't quick enough to formulate words, meaning he had to step in and speak once more. "I can't keep pretending and holding onto all of these moments because we both know that one day they're going to stop and there is nothing that can prepare me for that" he says quietly, moving past me to grab his shoes. "At least this way it's on my terms so I won't get hurt" he says softly, sitting on the sofa to put his adidas trainers on.

"I don't want this to stop" I say quietly, watching him from my position in the kitchen as I see his body drop from sighing. His shoulders sagging and the audible breath leaving his lips.

"You say that now but we just can't be together, it's just not meant to be" he says softly, grabbing the second shoe to put it onto his feet as I fold my arms across my chest.

"Why can't we? What is there that's actually stopping us?" I say gently, neither of us loosing our cool like when myself and Harry used to bicker. We used to end up raising our voices at each other. This was more calm and collected, like an adult discussion.

Niall sighed, standing up to fix his tracksuit bottoms and run a hand through his hair once again. "Everything is stopping us Soph... The fact you have a child with one of my former band mates, the issues we would get from the media and the fans" he says softly before grabbing his coat from the coat rack. "The worst thing stopping us is that you don't love me back" he says quietly, thinking I couldn't hear him.

His hand grabbed the door handle, checking his phone was in his pocket as I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face before groaning loudly. My eyes closed as I took a deep breath, feeling something bubbling inside of me as I place my hands behind my head. I could hear the metal of the door knob moving as he began to turn it, getting ready to leave our night together. I sigh once again, keeping my eyes closed before shouting after him.

"I love you Niall" I say loudly, opening my eyes slowly to see him stood staring at me, his hand still on the door knob and that beautiful and infectious half smile on his lips, sending my heart into overdrive.