Regret

1. Are you regretting comming with me?

It hurts you know? Knowing that i won't be able to see him for a while. His hands were in mine and his eyes were fixed on me. '' I will miss you so much'' I mumbled, not being able to look at him. I felt his finger under my chin and forcefully, I looked in to his chocolate brown eyes. I felt something in my throat and before realizing, tears left my eyes. 
'' Don't cry silly, we will see each other very soon'' He whispered and planted tender kiss on my cheek. This was probably the last hug I would get in months. Luke was my bestfriend for 1o years and I couldn't be more lucky. He was the one who kept me through everything and it hurt as hell to leave him.

I look for the last time to my room, which I slept in from the minute I was born, and take a deep breath. I won't be able to see those walls for a long time. I will leave not only this home, but also my childhood behind me. It is indeed bothering me that I can't bring everything with me, but who cares? life sucks anyways.

I smiled lightly when I noticed my brother, who came out of his room. We looked at each other and I couldn't read any emotion in his face. '' Mums waiting for you downstairs, it's time to go'' he mumbled, which I nodded in return. We never had a close relationship with Namjoon. He was protective and cared for me, but I feel like we could have been so much more closer. His hair was a mess and it give me the signal that he must have been frustrated. I can see him going through his hair with his hands a thousant time. It's the way his body reacts whenever something he doesn't like happens. You see, we never needed words to understand or communiate. At least, I never did. I liked anylasing people and their movements. I always choose to be the silent one, looking at everything around and making notes in my head. Namjoon hated the fact that we needed to move. I did too, but his anger was much worse. He blamed our mother for so many things. I can understand his opinion, but it is also not fair for our mother. We need to make a new start and hopefully a better one. However, Namjoon convinced our mother to stay here for a couple months. At least so that he could finish his school here, before moving. He was in his last year and he was pretty good too. It took some time but my mother accepted it.

Namjoon and I were always different from eachother. He liked to talk, make fun of people. He was always full of himself, joking around and never taking anything serious. While I took everything more than just serious. I could never hide my emotions, while he never really showed them. He didn't have a real bond with my mother or me, but he did have lot's of friends. People always liked him more than me and to be honest that made me jealous at times.

He was always better in people their eyes, smarter, more fun and simpely just the better version. No matter how much I tried, I was always the second one. He was always more childish than me. I remember being independent since I was little, while my mother was running after Namjoon to help him with everything. However, I know that he is productive and has a good heart, he just doesn't like to show it.

When I think about it, I somehow give him the right to act that way. He never had a friend in our house. Our Dad left us when my mother was pregnant for me. Joon wasn't even 1 years old back than. Our mother never dated anyone else after dad. I was for sure missing the dad role in our house too, but I think it was harder for Joon than for me. He never had someone to look up to or play with.

//

A couple hours late rand I find myself in a airplane, between the white clouds, flying to another country. Well, I am not exactly flying, but I still kinda am. My earphones are plugged in my ears and I playback with the song that's currently playing. I was reliefed when I found out that I would be sitting next to Alice, my mother. Next to her sat an old lady, more like a grandmother. She has a cute smile on her face which made the atmosphere a lot better.

I looked to my right when I felt my mum's eyes burning on my body. She was worried, I could see it in the way she frowned. Her eyes were still teared up from saying goodbye to Joon. He promised that he would visit soon and to be honest I really hope he does. '' Are you regretting comming with me?'' she wispered.

Mumsie was 18 when she got Namjoon and 19 when she got me. Being a young mother was for sure hard. We grew up together and that made our relationship even closer. She wasn't just my mum, but also my bestfriend.

' I am not regretting it mums, not a tiny bit'