You know that you're stoned when everything is numb.
Your skin feels like it's not apart of this world, your arms and legs work on their own free will. Your eyes are dropping closed because you're so tired. So fucking tired.
When you close your eyes and sleep, a perfect dreamless sleep that you haven't had in years.
When you wake up and are stilled stoned as fuck twelve hours later.
When it first hits its slow.
The feeling of numbness and drifting in and out of this world is confusing. Like half of you wants to be in the clouds and the other half knows you belong on the earth. On the earth buried in the dirt.
Then you give up, your body is floating you up to the clouds and you couldn't even care. Even if you wanted to.
Being in the clouds is like being reborn. Its like being an infant swaddled in blankets given to its mother. Except that you are alone, painfully alone. You desperately wish that she was here.
You don't know who she is, but you desperately want her to be here with you in the clouds.
For some reason you know everything and nothing at the same time, and the ignorant bliss and burden of knowledge are both suffocating.
You want to tell, you want to tell every secret you have ever had because you can't keep lying to others.
To yourself.
You know thats not an option. You know what that would do to you. You saw what has happened to others before you and you don't want to know what will happen to those after you.
So you know the only thing you can know. Everything.
God, I'm so far in the clouds. Fuck, can you even feel anything anymore? No, its all fake, it all was. This is the only reality, everything else hurts and hates you.
This is indifference and this is the only way to feel. To feel nothing, yet you're feeling everything at the same time.
Fuck, what am I doing with my life?
