[C] • arts •

ix

I cooked pasta for myself, I ate it alone at the dining table. I felt a bit lonely, I wish I'm brave enough to tell him everything. In that way, I could've meet my father as well. But without encouragement, I couldn't tell him. I fed myself the last pasta, went to the sink to wash my plate.

As the moment passed by so fast, I felt bored. Bored with my life. I didn't achieve the things that I wanted. Goals? I never achieve them. I failed on everything. "They said art is everything.." I smirked at myself. I threw my paintings away. I'm starting to regret for doing arts because it played with my heart, my mental,..

I burned all my art stuffs so that I'll stop doing arts. I sat beside the fire, thinking if I'm doing the right thing all of these years.

"But most important thing when you're doing art is,..Are you happy?"

I started to tear up, in a lonesome alleyway. Suddenly, my phone was buzzing, I picked up my phone and received a notification from Jihoon's instagram. I clicked on the notification, it brought me to his newest post that just posted 2 minutes ago. A painting of a guy standing on top of the Namsan Hill. 'Will anyone care if I'm standing here?'.

I immediately wiped my tears away and sent him messages.

Jimin
Jihoon-ah, what were you thinking right now?

Jihoon
You care?

He then went offline. I tried to call him many times but his phone was power off by him. I quickly dialed his mother's phone number "Is Jihoon at home?" I asked him in panicked voice. "No. He said that he'll be hang out in his friend's house". I immediately ended the call in frustration. How can she not know about her step-child? Jihoon never had a true friend!

I ran as fast as I can to the Namsan Hill at 12 a.m. Everyone had slept at this hour but there's is me, running to save my brother's life. I climbed the stairs, I didn't care if I'm tired, all that matters was my brother. He can't leave me. Not until I make him happy.

"Kim Jihoon!" I shouted his name while panting hardly. "You,..really going to do this to me?!" I bent down as my stomach hurt. Jihoon just looked at me from far away. "I have something to tell you so stop,.Stop doing what you want to do" I walked to him slowly but then I fell in front of him.

"I'm not going to change my mind" Jihoon looked forward. "What if I said you had a sister?" I lifted my head to see him. "A sister?" He looked at me. "A sister who cares about you more than anything. Who bet her happiness for his little brother". He turned his back to face me. "Noona,.." His tears fell on his cheeks. "I finally meet you" I smiled at him.

Jihoon then ran towards me to hug me. He cried on my shoulder. I pat his back gently "It must be hard for you,..". He kept crying until he let go of me. Jihoon looked away like he's in trouble. He searched his whole body in panicked while gasping for air. "Ji-Jihoon-ah" I wanted to help him but I didn't know how. He then laid on the ground, I was panicked, I laid his head on my lap. "N-Noona,..th-hank y-you. I-I'm happ-py to se-ee y-you" Jihoon's breath became weak and more weak. "Jihoon-ah, please hold on! I'll call the ambulance-" I want to dial the number but he grabbed my hand. He gave me a last smile before his eyes close.

I suddenly felt speechless, I looked at him laying on my lap in silent. "Jihoon-ah,.." I called his name. He didn't respond to me. "Kim Jihoon" I called his name again and he didn't respond again. I cried again. I hugged him while crying. Begging him to wake up "You can't sleep in here" I shaked him gently.

"Life is unfair" I looked down at the city. "You think I can't see you anymore?" I smirked. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath.

I opened my eyes, to see Jihoon standing in front of me. "Jihoon-ie?" I startled as I saw him. He just smiled at me. We were sitting beside a beautiful lake, he pointed at the 2 swans on the lake. The swans were swimming beautifully. "It reminds me of us" I said while looked at him. "We're finally together. We will never be separated again" I held his hand and smiled at him.

Suddenly, one of the swan got shot. The white lake turned to red. Jihoon came near me and whispered to my ear "You can't die". He then threw me in the lake, I was struggling to get out from the lake until I gave up, I closed my eyes again.

I opened my eyes in shock. I stood up from my bed, then Jihoon's mother was in front of me "Jimin-shii?!" She shocked to see me. She called the doctor to check on me. I just followed on what happened. "Do you know what happen to you that day?" The doctor asked me. "That day?.." I tried to think but I couldn't remember much. All I remember was I lost my little brother.

"What is your little brother name?" He asked again. "Kim Jihoon.., is he dead?". The doctor responded in guilty. "Please have a rest. Mrs. Kim, let's talk outside" He stood up and left the room with her. I can't listen to them clearly from inside. I laid on my bed, I stared at the blank ceiling.

"You can't die"

Those words kept playing in my head. It hurts my head a lot. I felt headache, I screamed in pain, the nurses tried to calm me down. They gave their best treatment for me. My eyes slowly became heavy, my sight became blurry, I closed them again.