Closer {H.S}

6. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢

"It's been six hours, Harry, are you sure everything is okay?"

Harry watched from his seat on the operating room.

Somehow, I was awake, tired, but awake.

"I don't know what to tell you, Baby, he's not coming out the right way."

"I want to see, why don't they let me!?"

"You passed out the first minute you saw it, you need to push him out."

"I'm trying, I swear. It hurts so much." I heaved.

We decided to go natural for this birth. It was my first full term pregnancy and I was really excited for this baby, but he wasn't flipping. It was the exact opposite of August and Indie.

"Okay, okay! Baby I see his feet, okay, it's going to hurt a lot." 

Breach. He was a breach baby.

I was screaming in pain, "Give me the painkiller, give me the painkiller."

I threw up at least twice, during all of that.

It hurt. It felt like there was someone stabbing me over and over again. But then I heard that cry and I felt so relieved that for once, this wasn't going the wrong way, in a sense.

Lucas Styles, heavy baby and really big.

He was out up on my chest and I bawled in awe.

He had a full head of hair, and those grayish eyes every baby seems to have, but they turned more blue than Green, like his siblings.

I smiled at the life we had created. I smiled because I made two beautiful children and without them I wouldn't have Lucas.

Harry stroked my hair while I cradled Lucas.

They took him away after a while and took him to check up while they sowed me up.

My baby was finally here.

•°•°•°•

Indie was so happy Lucas was a boy.

We didn't know the baby was a boy until the last month, they'd gotten it wrong before.

Lucas was asleep when we got the news.

Lucas had severe asthma.

That was courtesy of both our families.

It had happened before, both August and Indie had asthma but none of them like Lucas.

Fortunately, we could go home the following day. With some prescribed medication for Lucas and I, we were the happiest family alive.

Harry and I decided to wait until Lucas, along with August and Indie moved out, because then, we'd be able to start a whole new chapter.

We started having kids young, so in a couple of years, we could start at the standard age. And Harry and I always wanted a big family. I knew that after Lucas, I would want at least four more kids. And that was a lot. But I think harry and I could handle it.

It was almost a year later that it all crashed down.

Lucas had an asthma attack while Anne was caring for them for the night.

He slowly started to choke to his death, and when we got to the hospital, it was already way too late to even say goodbye.

Anne was devastated, but we explained that she couldn't take the blame over something she couldn't control.

The attack really hit him on the way to the hospital, and he was already losing too much oxygen.

It was a long way to recovery. August was only two, he couldn't understand why his baby brother suddenly disappeared.

Indie started having anxiety issues, during it all and Harry was depressed for at least six months.

It got to a point where I sat down on the bathroom floor, holding a knife to my wrist, waiting for someone to stop me, and I have to say Harry quite literally saved my life.

He was so focused on his grieving that he forgot he had a family, so from then on, he was super careful with me. I appreciate it. I love him with all my heart.

The years passed by, and we only ever got over it a year and a half ago.

I'm not going to lie, but the death of your son. You simply can't fully get over it.

᯽

Everyone deals with Grief a different way. However you grieve, I wish you the best.